To be fully human: Rolheiser gets to the essentials

Priest and writer’s concern with our core experiences resonates with a wide cross section of Catholics

May. 25, 2010
Fr. Ron Rolheiser (CNS/Nancy Wiechec)

ANAHEIM, CALIF. -- If one were to ask a central casting office in Hollywood to find someone to play a bigtime spiritual guru with his own media empire, the choice probably wouldn’t look much like Oblate Fr. Ron Rolheiser. Short, bespectacled, and decidedly non-flamboyant, Rolheiser comes off more like a high school teacher with a wry sense of humor than a Catholic version of Joel Osteen, Tony Robbins or Deepak Chopra.

Yet without theatrics or any real self-promotion, the 62-year-old Rolheiser has become one of the most popular writers and speakers on Catholic spirituality in the English-speaking world. His signature book, The Holy Longing, has sold more than 200,000 copies in hardback, his weekly column is syndicated in more than 60 newspapers in various countries, and Rolheiser is in perpetual demand to give workshops, retreats, and days of recollection all over the world.

Rolheiser draws on disparate sources such as the Bible, St. John of the Cross and John Updike to weave together a distinctively Catholic approach to life in the early 21st century. It’s a style that obviously resonates with a wide cross section of folks.

“He reminds us of what it means to be fully human, and how to live lives of reconciliation and grace,” said Kerry Robinson, executive director of the National Leadership Roundtable for Church Management.

Robinson said that what she takes away from reading Rolheiser is “a mature, adult faith.”

At his best, Rolheiser is that rare thinker who can appeal both to those who have doctorates in systematic theology, and to thoroughly secularized 20-somethings who probably think that Rahner and von Balthasar are the names of German techno bands. While Rolheiser is often praised for his balance, the truth is that he’s less a moderate in church politics than he is beyond them. He’s not concerned with the power of the pope or who gets to be a bishop, but with core human experiences such as loneliness, fear and restlessness, and how the spiritual resources of the Catholic tradition can help postmodern women and men cope.

Here’s a typical Rolheiser story: Arthur Pingolt, a layman and former investment banker who went on to become president of the Oblate Missionary Partnership, says that not long ago he gave a copy of Rolheiser’s Against an Infinite Horizon to a fairly traditional elderly friend in his 80s, who liked it so much he bought a copy for his pastor. At the same time Pingolt sent the book to his daughter, a sophomore at the highly secular Arizona State University. Two weeks later, she reported that she found herself re-reading sections during tough times to give her consolation and wisdom.

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Few Catholic authors have that kind of cradle-to-grave appeal, across the widest possible spectrum of political and theological outlooks and life experiences.

Rolheiser sat down for an interview with NCR during the annual Religious Education Congress in Anaheim, sponsored by the Los Angeles archdiocese. Every year his sessions are a magnet for overflow crowds. This year, Rolheiser’s topics were typically beguiling: “The Philanthropy of the Heart” and “Living Inside Overabundance.”

The Canadian prairie

Rolheiser was born on the prairies of rural Saskatchewan, in central Canada, into a tenaciously Catholic family of middle-class German immigrants. The faith was pervasive in the Rolheiser clan; one of his brothers, Wendelin, now 73, is also an Oblate priest, currently serving as a missionary among Canada’s indigenous people in the north.

Looking back, Rolheiser says the Catholicism of his youth, decidedly stamped by the ethos of the church before the Second Vatican Council, was “conservative, but healthy.”

“We had First Friday Mass, and I memorized all three Baltimore catechisms. I still know most of them by heart,” Rolheiser said. “I grew up in a conservative Catholicism that anchored me, and still does.”

The young Rolheiser was educated by Ursuline nuns, who, under a unique arrangement in rural Canada at the time, were able to teach in the area’s public schools. Their learning and culture were an early lure for Rolheiser to religious life.

“They were far and away the best teachers,” Rolheiser said. “These nuns were like a beacon of light -- they were coming with master’s degrees, they knew literature and art and so on.”

Rolheiser also got to know the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate. At the time, the Oblates were staffing his local parish. Entering the order seemed a natural progression for Rolheiser, even if he never attended their junior seminary because by the time it was his turn, his parents had already exhausted their resources sending two older brothers to the school.

Rolheiser did his undergraduate work in theology at Newman Theological College in Edmonton, Canada, and the University of San Francisco in the early 1970s, and followed up with a master’s and a doctorate from the University of Louvain in Belgium in the early 1980s. He spent most of his career teaching theology in Edmonton, with a stint as provincial superior for Central Canada from 1991 to 1997 and in general administration in Rome from 1998 to 2004.

In 2005, Rolheiser became president of the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio, a position he still holds. For someone as consumed by ideas as Rolheiser, taking on a demanding administrative assignment wasn’t necessarily his first choice, but he said that it’s part of the deal in religious life.

“I wouldn’t be doing this job if it weren’t for our own community,” he said. “I’m like a stay-at-home wife. ... I’d like to have my career going on a different track, but right now the family needs me.”

Balancing the various demands he faces, Rolheiser said, requires “a massive discipline in your life” -- a discipline, he said, he’s conscious that he can’t keep up forever. At most, Rolheiser said, he thinks he can log five more years as the seminary’s president, with a sabbatical somewhere in between.

Running wires together

To date, Rolheiser has published seven books, with an eighth, on the Eucharist, slated for release from Doubleday in June. The working title is Our One Great Act of Fidelity, based on an old insight from the English Catholic writer Ronald Knox: Christians throughout history have ignored much of what Jesus asked them to do, such as forgiving their enemies and turning the other cheek. There’s really just one request the church has consistently managed to honor, Knox said: “Do this in memory of me.”

Rolheiser says the ideas for his books flow from three basic sources: the faith of his youth, his wide reading, and his own life experience. In terms of his reading, Rolheiser said the trick is to range over widely divergent material, to see what improbable connections they might spark.

“Sometimes your best ideas come from running different wires together,” he said.

“Right now, for example, I’m reading Charles Taylor on secularity. That’s sort of my heavy reading. I’m reading Ruth Burrows on prayer, and I’m reading a Barbara Kingsolver novel. The point is that I’m not keeping them in separate categories. ... I try to put them together, to see what they might have to say to each other.”

At least in commercial terms, Rolheiser’s most successful book is The Holy Longing, published by Doubleday in 1999. After opening with a basic meditation on human desire and restlessness, Rolheiser lays out a few “nonnegotiable essentials” of Christian spirituality, and then applies them to core themes such as the church, the Easter mystery, justice and peace, and sexuality.

For the record, those “nonnegotiable essentials” are:

  • Private prayer and private morality;
  • Social justice;
  • Mellowness of heart and spirit;
  • Community as a constituent element of true worship.

Rolheiser argued that an overemphasis on one or more of those four essentials will produce a “fractured spirituality.”

Prior to The Holy Longing, Rolheiser’s previous titles had sold in the range of 10,000-15,000 copies, which is not bad for a Catholic niche book, but hardly enough to dent mass-market best-seller lists. The Holy Longing, however, became a phenomenon, and catapulted Rolheiser into the A-list of contemporary Catholic authors.

Rolheiser credits Eric Major, who at the time was the religion editor at Doubleday, with the basic idea.

“We had a beer in a pub in England,” Rolheiser recalled, “and he said, ‘Don’t write an academic book. Write a book that as a parent I can give to my adult children who aren’t practicing, to explain to them how I understand Christianity and why I still go to church, and which I can read on days when I’m not so sure.’ ”

Jesuit Fr. James Martin, himself a noted writer on Catholic spirituality, called the chapter on sexuality in The Holy Longing “the best short treatment I’ve ever read on the topic.”

“I can’t count the number of times I’ve recommended that book, or that chapter, to people, or the number of times they’ve thanked me for doing so,” Martin said.

Rolheiser said that he thinks the secret to the success of The Holy Longing is that it offers a basic guide to today’s sprawling wilderness of spiritual resources.

“We live in a culture, and a religious culture, of over-rich plurality,” he said. “We’re rich in everything except clarity.

“You walk into a religious bookstore today and it’s like walking into Tower Records in London,” he said. “You’re just overwhelmed. You’ve got a thousand albums, and they’ve all got attractive covers, so you need a guide to what’s good. That’s the way a lot of people would see spirituality. I’m a Christian, I’m a Roman Catholic -- what are the essentials?”

The Holy Longing, Rolheiser said, was his attempt to serve up those essentials.

Three spiritual hungers

Piggybacking on the success of The Holy Longing, Rolheiser’s other books began to find a larger audience, and requests to speak in venues across the Catholic world started to roll in. A decade and a half later, Rolheiser may have spoken on the essentials of Catholic spirituality to more people, in a wider variety of settings, than almost anyone else in the English-speaking Catholic universe.

Among other things, that experience has given Rolheiser unique insight into the spiritual hungers currently percolating among thoughtful Catholics trying to make sense of a 21st-century world.

He highlights three core themes that seem to be bubbling today:

  • A pervasive deficit of interiority;
  • Individualism and isolation;
  • The frightening pace of change.

On the first point, Rolheiser said, “We have an extremely busy, pressured, technologically and informationally driven culture. You walk around an airport and everybody’s on their cell phone, everybody’s on their iPod. Technology is making us the most communicative people ever, and the most efficient, but I think it’s severely impacting our interiority.”

The problem, he said, is the lack of time to cultivate an inner life.

“When do we think today?” he asked. “As Thomas Friedman said in The World Is Flat, some people call this ‘multitasking,’ but I call it being inattentive to more than one thing at a time. A lot of times today if you ask a person what’s really deep on his mind, he hasn’t thought about it for a long time.”

On the topic of a spreading sense of isolation, Rolheiser said the individualism of Western culture is a great gift, but it also takes a toll.

“We’re the freest people who ever walked this planet,” he said, “but the price we pay is that our family structures are weak, our community structures are weak, and our ecclesial structures are becoming weak.”

“All of that isolates people,” Rolheiser said, “so there’s a lot of deep down loneliness and fear: Who am I, who loves me, who even cares if I live or die?”

Rolheiser said that while there’s a certain liberation in “naming” that reality, Christian spirituality has to do more than condemn hyper-individualism. It also has to offer an antidote.

“It’s like an alcoholic,” he said. “I know I have a problem, but what do I do with it?”

Finally, Rolheiser said, a growing swath of people today find living in a rapidly shifting “global village” to be less exhilarating than alarming.

“If you don’t have deep roots, that can be pretty frightening,” he said.

“People find themselves in a sea of unfamiliarity, a sea of newness, so things like Islam or immigration or whatever really begin to seem scary. There’s a lot of fear predicated on an unconscious, and sometimes almost conscious, sense of ‘Where’s it all going?’

“I see a lot of our civic politics, and a lot of our church politics sometimes, in that light,” Rolheiser said. “Many of our attitudes sometimes are fear-based, driven by a root drive to find something to hang onto.”

Getting underneath polarization

Rolheiser said while these forces are among the true sources of unrest today, often in Catholic circles there’s some preliminary clutter that has to be cleared away before one can honestly grapple with them.

Most commonly, Rolheiser said, one has to “get underneath” the current climate of polarization and infighting in the church.

Whenever he speaks to Catholic groups, he said, “that polarization will be front and center, whether it’s spoken or unspoken. The tribes are there, and they’re sizing you up, they’re sizing each other up.

“What that tends to mean is that the ecclesial questions become central,” Rolheiser said. “They’re not necessarily our deep longing questions at all. They’re about who has power, who should be ordained, how’s the pope handling the sexual abuse crisis, and so on.”

Rolheiser said he learned his approach to “getting underneath” those surface concerns from Henri Nouwen, the Dutch Catholic spiritual writer.

“His premise was that what’s most deeply personal and private is also most universal. He’d name this kind of deeply private, guarded experience, often chaotic experience, lonely experience, and even sinful experience, and people would say, ‘This guy’s nailed it. This is how I’m feeling.’ ”

Rolheiser said that he tries to do the same thing -- to name the elemental human experience lurking beneath someone’s ostensible worries and complaints.

“You have to say, ‘Look, you’re worried about politics, you’re worried about your mortgage, you’re upset about who’s going to be ordained, and you think your pastor’s too liberal or conservative. That isn’t your real issue,’ ” Rolheiser said.

“Underneath, here’s a frightened, lonely person, who has these extraordinary qualities but who’s also frustrated about them,” he said. “All that other stuff has its relative place, but that’s not really it. Let’s talk about what’s really going on.”

Do that, Rolheiser said, and much of the left/right polarization fades away, as people make connection at the level of their deepest concerns -- their “holy longings.”

The good news, Rolheiser said, is that the Catholic spiritual tradition contains a unique set of resources for channeling those longings in healthy directions.

“The early church fathers used to say this, and it’s still a great line: ‘God wrote two books. God wrote the Bible, and God wrote nature. You have to learn how to read both,’ ” Rolheiser said.

“One of the reasons I’m a Catholic is that I think we have the richest intellectual tradition,” he said. “We’ve got 1,700, 1,800, years of working at that second book.”

[John Allen is NCR senior correspondent. His e-mail address is jallen@ncronline.org.]

THE 10 MAJOR FAITH AND ECCLESIAL STRUGGLES OF OUR AGE

Several years ago, the superior of the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate in Rome asked Fr. Ronald Rolheiser to compile a list of the major spiritual questions bubbling in the Catholic world, based on his experience as a writer and speaker. At NCR’s request, Rolheiser recently took another look at that list, bringing it up to date in light of what he’s seen and heard in the intervening period.

The following is the “Top 10” list Rolheiser put together in late April.

1. The struggle with the atheism of our everyday consciousness, i.e., the struggle to have a vital sense of God within secularity, which, for good and for bad, is the most powerful narcotic ever perpetrated on this planet; to be a mystic rather than an unbeliever.

2. The struggle to live in torn, divided and highly polarized communities, as wounded persons ourselves, and carry that tension without resentment, to be healers and peacemakers rather than simply responding in kind.

3. The struggle to live, love and forgive beyond the infectious ideologies that we daily inhale, i.e., the struggle for true sincerity, to genuinely know and follow our own hearts and minds beyond what is prescribed to us by the right and the left, to be neither liberal nor conservative but rather men and women of true compassion.

4. The struggle to carry our sexuality without frigidity and without irresponsibility, i.e., the struggle for a healthy sexuality, to be both chaste and passionate.

5. The struggle for interiority and prayer inside of a culture that constitutes a virtual conspiracy against depth and serenity -- to keep our eyes set against an infinite horizon.

6. The struggle to cope with personal grandiosity, ambition and pathological restlessness, inside of a culture that daily overstimulates them -- to live inside the torment of the insufficiency of everything attainable and to accept that in this life there is no finished symphony.

7. The struggle to not be motivated by paranoia, fear, narrowness and overprotectionism in the face of terrorism and overpowering complexity, to not let the need for clarity and security trump compassion and truth.

8. The struggle with moral loneliness inside a religious, cultural, political and moral diaspora, to find a soul mate who sleeps with us at our deepest level.

9. The struggle to link faith to justice, ecology, and gender -- to get a letter of reference from the poor.

10. The struggle for community and church, the struggle to find the healthy line between individuality and community, spirituality and ecclesiology, to be both mature and committed, spiritual and ecclesial.

After Pentecost, we bring you a week of Spiritual reflections

Thank you for this excellent

Thank you for this excellent article and the introduction it gave me to this amazing person. I am so grateful for his fine grasp of the bigger picture while helping us see the essential realities of living within it. I love the vastness of his perspective and feel inspired to strive for the same.

Dear Fr. Ron Rolheiser, I

Dear Fr. Ron Rolheiser,
I loved the above article. Thank you very much! Can I please have your Email address as I wish to send you a copy of the book I wrote in 2008, "Facts or Contra' Thoughts - The Fallen Angels" Book 1; - I am sure you will like it.

Yours,
Amjoe

send me also one copy of

send me also one copy of it!!!

...The struggle to cope with

...The struggle to cope with personal grandiosity, ambition and pathological restlessness, inside of a culture that daily overstimulates them -- to live inside the torment of the insufficiency of everything attainable and to accept that in this life there is no finished symphony.

...The struggle with moral loneliness inside a religious, cultural, political and moral diaspora, to find a soul mate who sleeps with us at our deepest level.

Wonderfully said. And very true.

Theatrical Ron Rolheiser

Theatrical Ron Rolheiser isn't, but that adds to his likability in my book. I heard him speak at a NACAR (North American Conference of Associates and Religious) Convocation 4 years ago in Cincinnati. He is genuine, insightful, challenging and he does have a wry sense of humor. He speaks in a down-to-earth way that engages his listeners and his deep faith and love of the Church - the people of God - is evident and contagious. As a spiritual director, I've recommended his books to many people in different life situations and have found affirmation and consolation for myself there as well. Thanks for this interview with Ron. It was a treat for me to get to know him in this way.

Very thought provoking & to

Very thought provoking & to the point! He makes me think of myself in this day & age & how we need to be aware of where we should fit into our society instead of how we fit into our society. Catholic Christions should be leading the way in this world that desperatly needs leaders.
Jeremy Garton

What an article! Thank

What an article!
Thank you
But why are all his inspirations and your references ... male? Bible, John of the Cross, John Updike.
The male as the symbol of universal human experience.
Always and forever more.
If this doesn't change, our walk toward holiness and justice will always be painfully slow.

Re: your question, "Why are

Re: your question, "Why are all his inspirations... male?" If you have read Fr. Ron's weekly column over the years, as I have, you will find he often quotes or makes reference to Kathleen Norris, Therese of Lisieux, Mother Teresa, Annie Dillard, Simone Weil, Ann Lamott even Alanis Morissette to name but a few. Ron often has written with profound respect about his mother and sisters and his female students.

The reference to male

The reference to male inspirations is by the author, Mr. Allen, not Fr. Rolheiser. As quoted by Mr. Allen in the complete article, Fr. Rolheiser includes a woman writer, specifically, Barbara Kingsolver, in a list of three authors he was currently reading.

This is really challenging,

This is really challenging, and Rolheiser is just such a great writer. Typical of him is the line about his administrative duties: “I’m like a stay-at-home wife. ... I’d like to have my career going on a different track, but right now the family needs me.” Wow! That kind of writing comes right off the page and grabs the reader, because you know exactly what he means. It's that old push-pull about ultimate goals and what we need to do right now. Rolheiser's been there.

I love the list of ten faith problems, although I disagree with the first. I think human conceptions of God have been the world's biggest narcotic, not secularism. Secularism is a waking up from the dream of dogma and wondering what the hell is coming next, and all the fear that goes along with that. But the other nine problems on the list I recognize and respond to. He gives us the freedom to be honest. Honesty isn't the whole struggle, but it's a good--and in many cases necessary--beginning.

I have a comment on the list

I have a comment on the list too: Like John Allen's "Megatrends," it fails to mention the Church crisis and scandal, let alone give us any guidance on how to respond to it. If I compiled such a list, representing my own concerns and the concerns of other Cradle Catholics I talk to, I would ask this:

"How are we to accept the doctrines and guidance of a church that is morally flawed at the highest levels, and seems unwilling to take any determined remedial action? We look not for words, or letters, but for justice and deeds."

John, this article shows off

John, this article shows off your skills as a writer and reporter. Please apply these extensive skills but with a critical perspective to your reporting on Curia activity.
This was a pleasure to read.

We are so close. Maybe in

We are so close. Maybe in our lifetime, somebody will finally shout out that salvation is universal and the resurrection is for everybody. Fr. Rolheiser just might be it

Could it be, could it

Could it be, could it possibly be? Not that salvation is universal but that it will be proclamed.

I will be ordering a copy of

I will be ordering a copy of "The Holy Longing" within the week. Thank you.

"The Holy Longing" is a book

"The Holy Longing" is a book of beauty and gave me such comfort and guidance in the early 2000s. I recommend it to everyone (as well as Barbara Kingsolver's and Thomas Friedman's). Good news that Rolheiser's new book is soon to be released.

I have not read Rolheiser in

I have not read Rolheiser in several years, so thank you for the article which has reminded me of a great source of sustenance. These are difficult times to be alive, never mind Catholic, and it is a blessing to have his gifted spirituality, which is outside of the polarity destroying the Church. If we are to keep the flame of faith alive in our generation, we must hold onto both the "conservative" and the "liberal" truths of the teachings of Jesus. Good job John Allen.

"... based on an old insight

"... based on an old insight from the English Catholic writer Ronald Knox: Christians throughout history have ignored much of what Jesus asked them to do, such as forgiving their enemies and turning the other cheek."

But for years(if not centuries) the church has relied on canon law as well as a multitude of other rules and regulations in the course of her work, while the gospel of Christ was ignored. No wonder we have problems. The sooner we get back to Christ, the better.

"1. The struggle with the

"1. The struggle with the atheism of our everyday consciousness, i.e., the struggle to have a VITAL SENSE OF GOD within secularity, which, for good and for bad, IS THE MOST POWERFUL NARCOTIC ever perpetrated on this planet; to be a mystic rather than an unbeliever."

Contrary to the common misperception, Karl Marx never disparaginly called religion a "narcotic". But, here Rolheiser is comparing god to a (illegal, addicting, mind robbing, life destorying, community destroying) "narcotic".

Wow!! Now it all makes sense!

David, I think he's calling

David, I think he's calling secularity, not God, the narcotic.

Fr. Thank you for the

Fr. Thank you for the artical. I have always searched your articals on the internet and Iam happy that I do read them. They are inspiring articlas. Thank you for your reflection.

It started out well: "...live

It started out well: "...live lives of reconciliation and grace." Sometimes we have to take 100 steps back when we are entrenched in human ideas to get God's perspective. Like the rest of the unbelieving world it is about managing our sin, call it church management if you like. In a real way members are in the same need as non-members, to repeant & believe. God cares very much for church unity, however, our preconceived notions of what that looks like are harmful, even kill unity.

God calls us to simply love each other. How God uniquely creates that unity is up to Him, just like what he uniquely does in each of our lives, no two alike. Can anyone really articulate how exactly they came to saving faith? How amazing is our God! One is not going to be able, once face to face with Him, to point the finger at anyone else, nor any institution for a lack of saving faith. Souls that come to accept & love Him as Lord is what gorifies God, is this not the whole point?

The church is to baptize, teach & disciple.
I am to look to Him for security.
I am to look to Him for belonging.
I am to look to Him for love & acceptance.
I am to know that He makes me competent to do what He calls me to.

Church or no church, our individual relationships with Him is what he desires most. All else flows out of this.
That relationship is possible when we repent & believe!

Lord show us our sin. We don't even see it, we are still trying to manage it. Instead of having an authentic relationship with you we strive after holiness, knowledge, and feeling spiritual. We want to humble ourselves, turn away from it, and receive your healing. We want a relationship with you. Open our eyes.
Show us how we are unkind, disrespectful, and unloving towards each other.

Amen

Amen

Why isn't Fr. Rolheiser some

Why isn't Fr. Rolheiser some lucky diocese's bishop? We desperately need holy men like him elected to the episcopate.

Indeed Woodrow and if only

Indeed Woodrow and if only they were elected.

I have to take issue with

I have to take issue with chloe's comment above. Specifically with the line "Church or no church, our individual relationships with Him is what he desires most. All else flows out of this." This logic works fine for Protestants, but not for Catholics, in my view.

Thanks, Mr. Allen.

Fr. Rolheiser's column ist

Fr. Rolheiser's column ist the best part of our diocesan newspaper. I clip and save his columns.

"The time is sure to come

"The time is sure to come when people will not accept sound teaching, but their ears will be itching for anything new and they will collect themselves a whole series of teachers according to their own tastes; and then they will shut their ears to the truth and will turn to myths." (2 Timothy 4:3-4)

Unhappily Fr. Rolheiser is one of those false teachers ... leading the people of God astray for the seek of popularity ... Very sad ...

Rubbish! But then you're

Rubbish! But then you're entitled to an opinion...sounds like you really don't get it. We're ALL broken people.

Dearest Fr. Ron Rolheiser,

Dearest Fr. Ron Rolheiser, Thank you for writing about suicide. Your articles always are of great interest to us and if I do not see them, family and friends cut them out and send them to me. When our son James committed suicide Dec 14, 2006 ( St. John of the Cross) mixed in with all the sympathy cards were your articles. We used to operate a Bed and Breakfast in Grande Prairie, Alberta and you were our guest on the day of your 25th Anniversary as a priest. Suicide has touched us and we still suffer from the smarting of it. After much thought on this, in order to answer what it is like to go through this as a mom ,I came up with this: James' death made me feel like I was skinned alive (like St. Bartholomew) . It was the only way I could describe what I had been through. Husband Roger and our three other children have their own images. So what has help us carry on and heal my skin? Several facets...not only one solution: The daily Eucharist is probably the number one help. Six weeks before James died a Something urged us to get up early and attend 7 am mass on a daily basis. At that time I began a personal bible study of the Psalms in my daily journaling. Then the crisis of his death. Our community loved us and showed it. But after all the fussing over us everyone goes about their lives as they should. Roger and I and our children were left with these messed up and shattered feelings. I love multiple choice questions so we weighed our options on how to deal with the pain...pain that was so great we felt like a dog chasing his own tail...round and round going nowhere. Option 1. Get drunk every night to drown the pain. Option 2. Do various forms of drugs to do the same. Option 3 Begin a serious exercise program with a personal trainer. Option 4 Begin watching Holy Movies as we called them. Padre Poi, St. Francis, Clare, to a present collection of over 150 CDs. I would never judge anyone who chooses the first two options but by the grace of God and being too cheap to pay for the cost of a bottle of booze, we chose the movies and exercise. Last year we walked half the Camino of Santiago of Compostela and tomorrow the 6th of September, we leave for Madrid and onto Burgos to complete our second half of the Pilgrimage. Santiago means St.James and Compostela is a Field of Stars. Our sons name is James Field so we saw that as a nice little sign. Forgot to mention that since James died on Dec. 14 the feast of John of the Cross I have read this Saint's books and studied his writings as well as those of Therese of Avila. We sent our two daughters and daughter in law for a 10- day Pilgrimage to Medjugoria as well. This really helped them. Why am I writing you this long story? I guess I just want to let you know that there is HOPE after suicide and one can dance again! Our faith and our beautiful Catholic Church holds so many answers to the problems that are dealt us in life. We will pray for you dear Fr. Rolheiser as we walk up to 8 to10 hours per day with nothing to do but pray and be silent. Thanks for tackling this dark subject. Buen Camino! Love and Respect, Angele Field in Grande Prairie, Alberta. ( Will return home at the end of October) GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonderfully expressed,

Wonderfully expressed, Angele. We share in the human experience of your loss. We will keep you and Roger in our thoughts and prayers as you do the Camino.

I had the pleasure of

I had the pleasure of listening to Fr. Ron many years ago at Mt. Carmel in Niagara Falls, Canada. It was Advent and Mass was 'celebrated' in the main chapel which defies description in it's beauty and generosity. Truly Catholic. The censing of altar, the choral praise...a memory for ever, and deeply holy.
I am also intrigued by Fr. Rolheiser's comment vis. a passionate soul to sleep with. God knows I've pretty much exhausted the nether regions of gaydom and marriage too. Time to allow Jeshua to love me more deeply I suppose. Let go of my enemies, help a few more frail lady's onto the bus. So what if all I have to show for a misspent life is a pile of compost. Seeds grow very well in compost. I'll plant the tiny acorn I found a few days ago and let it germinate. Doesn't take much of a branch for the Holy Spirit to come and bring joy and community does it? At sixty years of age this oak tree won't grow very tall but I'm still going to plant the seed. Looks like I'm invited to sleep alone except for the numinous presence of my eternal brother and friend. I really just need to be held. To be held and cry. To tell my Abba that I am indeed deeply sorry for having offended.

"To be fully human?" I never

"To be fully human?" I never knew there was a gradation of humanness. Isn't that the basis for eugenics, slavery, etc.? Weren't we all created in God's image and likeness? If so, then there should be no gradation of humanness.

If I do something more animalistic than not, does that mean I am less human? If I commit a mortal sin, am I less human? If I am an atheist, am I less human? If I live a saintly life, am I more human? Absolutely not!

Then what does it mean, exactly, "to be fully human?" I thought God created humans for a supernatural end. Shouldn't it be instead: "to be more saintly"?

Father: I recently read your

Father: I recently read your article from the Catholic Weekly, 1/15/11 regarding "Our Children are not Ours" - They belong to God. I recently lost my son, age 47, and have been having difficulty accepting his death, although I realized that it was God's will. I was very impressed with your words and they were a great comfort to me, and will keep this article close to my heart. Thanks and may God Bless You..........

I've read most of Fr. Ron's

I've read most of Fr. Ron's books and articles over the past 8 years and had the good fortune of hearing him speak at an Advent retreat a couple years ago. He masterfully binds Catholic dogma, human spirituality and secular reality into lessons for the masses. There's an endless array of books by religious suthors that preach a doctrine ranging from rigid discipline all the way to freeform, feel good, anything goes so long as we're nice. What Fr. Ron does brilliantly is combining the best elements of discipline, self reflection, chaste love and gentleness into lessons that touch the hearts and souls of the needy. He is neither liberal nor conservative - he's both, and he challenges us to enter into the pain of loving deeply as Jesus commanded.

"Christians throughout

"Christians throughout history have ignored much of what Jesus asked them to do,such as forgiving their enemies and turning the other cheek..." This fact stood out to me in the article because many times I have looked at our society and thought the Catholics and even more broadly Christians look and behave like everyone else i.e. keeping up with the Jonses, not knowing your neighbors let alone caring about them, putting your own convenience and desires before the common good (think of bad environmental choices as individuals, communities, nations, for example), etc.

I think teaching, promoting and supporting individual contemplative prayer at the parish level would help a great deal to bring conviction and clarity into the lives of Catholics individually and then communally in relation to Christ. Their hearts would be opened to the power of the Holy Spirit to guide and enable them to reprioritize their use of time, talent, and treasure according to the mind of Christ.

I loved the points on the

I loved the points on the THREE SPIRITUAL HUNGERS, and GETTING UNDERNEATH POLARIZATION.

I did know about the interiority struggles, but did not realize so much pervasive loneliness!

What a relief to know that I'm "normal" struggling with the pace of change!

Here's a funny take on this: Women's magazine articles have "gobs" (to use a feminine term "oodles") of articles on CONNECTION; HEART TO HEART SHARING; WOMEN'S GET-TOGETHERS; FITTING IN EFFICIENCY WITH SELF-CARE: BY JOURNALING, MEDITATION, QUIET TIME, EXERCISE; AND BALANCING TIME FOR FAMILY, TIME FOR FRIENDSHIPS, TIME FOR SELF.

Where are the parallel articles in Men's magazines?

being that today started out

being that today started out very tough, I thank God that I stumbled across this article. Fr. Ron is blessed and we are blessed to read his material. Thank you being sharing your gifts and love of God with us Fr. Ron.

Thanks, John, for revealing

Thanks, John, for revealing the human face of the author of several divinely inspired books and articles.
I really enjoy reading both you and Ron.

Thank you for affirming this

Thank you for affirming this gifted and inspiring Catholic author and priest! Yes!! The Holy Longing is THE book best describing what God must desire for His children!! And, Fr. Ron is definitely one of God's chosen spokespersons!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!

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