Video: Why is there sympathy for sex abusers?

Dear Janet,

I watched the video twice. What portion of it was "very informative"? The problem isn't grandiose self image or narcissism...the problem is creepers raping little boys. The first step towards healing is accepting the truth.

Good job, James Martin.

From my extensive experience observing and consulting with priests and bishops, I have many times been astonished at the toxic level of narcissism that insulates and pervades the Catholic priesthood.

Hopefully, Martin's didactic on "grandiose narcissism" will help bring this issue forward for Catholics as they consider how they will go about calling anyone to the priesthood in the future.

A particular problem for Catholics is that by tradition and culture we have ensconced priests, especially the hierarchs, in an insular social constellation that encourages and even engenders their narcissism.

The vast majority of ‘pew’ Catholics must come to the awareness that they are the “enablers” of the priests and bishops’ narcissism.

In a sense, Catholics have throughout history ritualized and rewarded the hierarchs’, and priests’, narcissism. How easy is it for someone to be grandiose when you vest them in elaborate costuming, assign them places of privilege and prestige, and even greet them by kissing their rings?

The Catholic priesthood sadly has become in our time the ultimate example of the “it’s-all-about-me” syndrome. Just reflect on the overly defensive response of most hierarchs, including B16, when trying to fend off allegations and criticisms in the child rape scandal.

Another factor in the expansive grandiose narcissism of priests not mentioned by Martin is that because of the requirements of celibacy, the vast majority of priests and bishops never develop intimate relationships with women.

In the case of the gay priest, those relationships are at a minimum publicly guarded, restricted, or denied to priests to the point where the “anti”- narcissistic benefits are blocked for the gay priest.

No matter how flawed, human intimacy, especially between women and men, demands that individuals reach beyond themselves and to live for the other – a most humanizing experience that by design is denied to Catholic priests.

The added factor that priests are not parents, or that they have to conceal and hide their parentage from the community, further intensifies their narcissistic isolation.

Psychologically, the birth of children forces any father to learn that in the emotional universe of the family, their needs (i.e., the man’s needs) must become somewhat secondary if the marriage and family are to succeed.

Parenthood, at its best, embeds the male into the human social constellation of the marriage and the family. Isn’t this the implied teaching of Catholic tradition about how marriage and family well lived mirrors God’s love for all of us?

The humility required to be a good husband and father would counteract to a large extent much of the narcissism and grandiosity we see presently in the Catholic priesthood, especially in the hierarchy.

If we have learned anything from the child rape scandal in the Catholic Church, it is that the priesthood must be reformed and renewed from parish to pope.

This is very interesting. There are only six comments to this news item. I wonder why? Is it because Martin was not inflammatory enough? Or because he tried to be reasonable and did not spew enough hate?

However, even Martin couldn’t remain entirely fair in his comments. He keeps ‘reminding’ us that the abuse in the Catholic Church cannot be compared to the Penn State abuse because in the Catholic Church there were much more victims. No kidding. But he fails to ‘remind’ us that the US Catholic Church is a 7o million institution with 7000 schools and countless parish-based programs for youth and children.

HOW ABOUT WEARING BLUE ON CHRISTMAS?

Catholics4Change published the written version of Father Martins video a few days ago and because many abuse survivors are commenters on the C4C website your readers may want to check out C4C.

One of the greatest difficulties that abuse survivors often mention is the lack of support of the 'faithful', probably due to the narcissistic grandiosity of institutional Church.

Vicky, an abuse survivor, who has recovered to the point where she is now able to tell her story to small groups of parishioners posted the following on the C4C website, Sat evening:

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post in such a positive and supportive way. Quite frankly, I have been overwhelmed but in the very best of ways. Your words have touched my heart and created even more healing within me.

I especially want to thank Kathy Kane for her acknowledgment that in spite of my own pain and suffering I understand and empathize with those in the pews. That empathy comes out of my own early struggle as a survivor. Well before I admitted my history of sexual abuse, I was a dedicated lay person in my church. I sang in the choir, I assisted catholic teachers as an aid in the school, I headed the hot lunch program and was a lector in two catholic parishes. In order to face the horrors of my abuse, I first had to face all the illusions I held. Everything I believed in was shattered, leaving me with out a church, with a blank image of God, and no community. I know what it’s like to end up lost, alone and empty-to wander in a spiritual waste land. And then, I had to face the abuse.

I have been working on my abuse for many, many years, and I am proud and relieved to be where I am today. Please know that survivors are not all in the same place. Please be patient and compassionate with their woundedness. Some will present anger, some a torrent of tears, and some with a cold distance. What you will see are their coping skills-the only way they know how to survive.
Last Saturday when I looked out over the Penn State crowd all wearing blue in support of the survivors, I thought, “how is it no one in the church, an institution that is supposed to be known for its compassion, has never displayed such support for the thousands of its victims who struggle every day?”

Thus, I propose the following challenge. On December 25th, 2011, we celebrate the birth of Christ, the coming into the world an infant. To add to that celebration, let’s get the word out that on December 25th 2011 everyone whether they are attending church or merely celebrating in their homes, wear blue in support of sex abuse victims everywhere.

Sometimes I ponder if as a boy, Christ had been sexually abused/raped by his rabbi would the world have missed out on the many spiritual blessings He brought to us, and then I wonder, how much goodness could these victims have brought to the world if they had been protected and nurtured?

So, again, I say to you all, thank you for such amazing support. You are helping to heal my wounded heart. THINK BLUE!! Vicky

FINALLY

Vice Chancellor of Milwaukee Archdiocese Endorses Child Victims Act; SNAP Responds

SNAPwisconsin.com
November 23, 2011
CONTACT:
Statement by Peter Isely of Milwaukee, SNAP Midwest Director, 414.429.7259
At the Wisconsin state capitol in Madison yesterday, Fr. James Connell, the Vice Chancellor of the Archdiocese of Milwaukee made quiet history when he joined Senator Julie Lassa (24th Senate District, Stevens Point) and Representative Sandy Pasch (22nd Assembly District-Whitefish Bay), in urging the passage of the Wisconsin Child Victims Act.
With Connell were victim/survivors of child sexual violence by clergy and other trusted adults, long time child protection advocates and organizations, and law enforcement. Every speaker echoed the now long established conclusion, based on criminological research and population studies, that most child victims do not report the crimes committed against them and if they do, it often takes years, if not decades.
The newly introduced reform measure would lift the civil statute of limitations on child sex abuse and open a two year “grandfather clause” for those already victimized to bring their cases to court. The bill does not target any church, organization or school. There are no exemptions or special clauses in it. It simply allows anyone who was raped or sexually assaulted as a child to bring the offender, or those proven to have covered up the criminal activity of the offender, to civil justice.
Victim/survivors of sexual abuse and a high ranking Catholic official standing shoulder to shoulder in support of the Child Victims Act, fought by Catholic bishops in several states, is an unusual enough scene. Of course, a bishop knows that when victims get their cases heard in court, just like we are now seeing in the a Penn State scandal, the cover up of these crimes can reach into the highest rungs of his organization.
But that is not what made Connell’s words so noteworthy. It was, rather, that Connell clearly and powerfully articulated how all Catholics can get behind legal reform of the child sex abuse statutes because Catholic law (“canon law”) itself fully supports and uses the basic legal principles upon which the Child Victims Act is constructed.
It’s just that church officials are not applying these principles to their own acts of injustice.
And the Child Victims Act, as Connell eloquently argued, is about justice: “Justice in the Catholic Church is a cardinal virtue. And Church leaders may not turn away from justice.”
Connell should know what he is talking about. He is himself a canon lawyer, and a member of the archdiocesan review board charged with examining current sexual abuse reports against priests. “We have” he said, “within our own [Catholic legal] system statutes of limitations, and the catholic church has itself in recent years changed the laws of statutes of limitations”.
Connell pointed out how the Vatican has extended legal time limits on child sex crimes by priests and, even more significantly, opened up their statutes to address past cases, even if the time limits of the current statute had expired. In other words, just what the Child Victims Act would do: extend or eliminate the legal time limits for victims to file child sex abuse cases and open up the current statute to address past cases.
Connell’s concerns are not simply as a church official, canon lawyer, and someone who has to rule on sex abuse cases in his own archdiocese. It is also because he has been a pastor of two Sheboygan, Wisconsin parishes over the past twelve years, and each parish has had a child sex predator once assigned there by the archdiocese: “The pain is deep with my parishioners, and as I have gotten to know them, know their stories, it has touched my heart deeply”.
In closing his remarks from the Senate Parlor, Connell spoke words that victims and their families have been long been waiting to hear from priests and church officials:
“I would encourage the bishops in the state of Wisconsin and the entire catholic community here in the state to follow the example of our own church law and to change the laws as necessary to actually serve the needs of justice, in this case, serving the needs of those who are victims of clergy sexual abuse. So, I do support this legislation and I ask the entire community, the catholic community, and our bishops to join in this support.”
SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, is the world’s oldest and largest support group for clergy abuse victims. We’ve been around for 23 years and have more than 10,000 members. Despite the word “priest” in our title, we have members who were molested by religious figures of all denominations, including nuns, rabbis, bishops, and Protestant ministers. Our Wisconsin website is SNAPwisconsin.com. 

Anonymous,
No Gays do not have anything to do with this child sex abuse mess. Gays and pedophiles are two different conditions.

Gays are born that way, most likely due to their genetics, and desire sex with adults.

Pedophiles have a character disorder sickness. They want to have sex with children. It is completely impossible for them to stop themselves. That is why the only strategy is that they must be incarcerated. Absolutely nothing else will stop them.

It is very likely that in a few short years Geneticists will prove that Gays are due to their genes. IOW, God made them that way. While pedophilia is most likely a sickness created in the home, possibly due to either a physically abusive situation or an emotionally abusive situation that may arise from repression of a sexual nature created by well meaning but fundamentalist parents, among other possibilities. It seems to be a far more complex disorder than homosexuality.

Time, research and science will reveal the truths of both conditions.

All the best to you and yours--
bob

Let's just keep pretending "gay" "priests" had nothing to do with it.
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This is the kind of thinking bishops and priests have repeatedly encouraged from the pulpit in their defamation of perfectly innocent gay people. Gay and lesbian groups should be filing law suits against the Vatican and the USCCB for filling the minds of countless Catholic air heads like this with their vile character assassination.

In RE: "How about gradiose" by anonymous: It is interesting that Fr. Martin puts together an informed, factually based video and the response by this reader is uninformed, not factually based and pure phobia. There is no evidence provided for his/her (anonymous again!) rant. Save us all and keep your vent to like minded people who will reinforce your prejudice.

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html
Here are some excerpts:

" Members of disliked minority groups are often stereotyped as representing a danger to the majority's most vulnerable members....................................It has also been raised in connection with scandals about the Catholic church's attempts to cover up the abuse of young males by priests. Indeed, the Vatican's early response to the 2002 revelations of widespread Church cover-ups of sexual abuse by priests was to declare that gay men should not be ordained."

"For the present discussion, the important point is that many child molesters cannot be meaningfully described as homosexuals, heterosexuals, or bisexuals (in the usual sense of those terms) because they are not really capable of a relationship with an adult man or woman. Instead of gender, their sexual attractions are based primarily on age. These individuals – who are often characterized as fixated – are attracted to children, not to men or women. "

"Thus, these studies do not prove that homosexual or bisexual males are no more likely than heterosexual males to molest children. However, each of them failed to prove the alternative hypothesis that homosexual males are more likely than heterosexual men to molest children or to be sexually attracted to children or adolescents. "

"In a more recent literature review, Dr. Nathaniel McConaghy (1998) similarly cautioned against confusing homosexuality with pedophilia. He noted, "The man who offends against prepubertal or immediately postpubertal boys is typically not sexually interested in older men or in women" (p. 259).
This well known lack of a linkage between homosexuality and child molestation accounts for why relatively little research has directly addressed the issue. Proving something we already know simply isn't a priority."
"Conclusion
The empirical research does not show that gay or bisexual men are any more likely than heterosexual men to molest children. This is not to argue that homosexual and bisexual men never molest children. But there is no scientific basis for asserting that they are more likely than heterosexual men to do so."

Cheers,

Amen.

They plainly cared more about scandal and the phony reputation of the institution than they did about the victims or their troubled abusers. The Vatican and its bishops around the world have worked in concert to hide the abusers only to avoid the scandal they would cause to church because of its unnatural, inhuman requirement of celibacy with its clergy.
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Thank you Gilhow for laying it on the line. Catholic and non-Catholic action should be taken against every special civil privilege the Church has enjoyed in this country short of denying the USCCB/Catholic Church its constitutional rights under the First Amendment. The continuing arrogance of pope of hierarchy while the state looks on and the Church continues to enjoy its tax privileges and access to Congress indistinguishable from any lobby is becoming increasingly intolerable.

We must now think what was until recently unthinkable:

(a) seizure of Church properties

(b) the licensing and frequent inspection of any religious institution housing large numbers of men and boys for whatever reasons, and from what we've seen has been years of abuse by Penn State and the state of Pennsylvania, the vigorous prosecution at the STATE level of individual dioceses,archdioceses whenever reports of child abuse have been reported, e.g. the archdiocese of Philadelphia

(c) Catholic parents need to not only pressure members of Congress,but petition the White House and Justice Department before next year's elections to begin an energetic prosecution of all bishops based upon reports of continuing child abuse. These bishops have much to hide. Don't forget the bishop of Phoenix and the archdiocese of Philadelphia aren't alone, by a long shot. They have plenty of accomplices in the hierarchy , and children continue to fall through the cracks because of their negligence and arrogance.

No one forces priests to be celibate. It is a freely made choice and one that they have many years in formation to think about. It also is no explanation for those who break their promise and go after kids vs those who break their promise and have affairs with an adult. It is an illness, aberration, or whatever, for adults to desire sexual contact with children. We see enough of it, the majority in fact, among married and heterosexual men in relationships with women that we know celibacy and homosexuality has nothing to do with it.

Of course, Sandusky is married, and the vast majority of child abuse is carried out by people who are married, so apart from being utterly wrong in its premise, reasoning, and conclusions, you're on the right lines. *eyeroll*

The people determined to weaponize the abuse scandal to further their political agenda within the church still will not admit that their attempts to connect celibacy to abuse are unnatural, forced, and wrong. It is a distortion on the part of people who are really, really sore that they aren't in the hierarchy, and there is absolutely nothing in common sense or evidence that supports their position. There are so many plain lies that continue to be directed toward the Vatican by these types, and are required to be supported by the rest of their echo chamber. Happily, however, no one outside the echo chamber is buying it because it it is so patently disingenuous.

Is this comment not undone by the prevalence of sexual abuse among non-celibates? How can you blame celibacy for abuse when most abuse is inflicted by married men?

Thankyou for this comment. Exactly. Somewhere on one of these threads I did express sympathy for my abuser. My hurt/anger is not directed at him....he doesn't understand what he did. My problem is with the others who did not help me or him or other potential victims.

If it is truly chosen, give about-to-be ordinands the choice and see how many actually decide in the affirmative.

Choice, indeed. Once these starry-eyed new priests get a good does of the reality of a lifetime of being alone, then ask them again about their "choice."

Mid-life ordinands who have had a chance to see life and live some of it are the ones who truly make a choice.

Herald of Truth,

Like Rip Van Winkle you've been asleep for at least 20 years. You are to be pitied because you've learned nothing. You've failed to be ashamed of what has transpired against innocent children and their families. You're pathetic!

The only "scams" committed have been that our law enforcement authorities have failed to prosecute, try, convict, and to fill our prisons with countless Catholic bishops and priests who are at the heart of these crimes. This pope has been part of a world-wide conspiracy to cover up horrific sexual abuse and a wave of abuse of power.

Benedict XVI needs to resign or be removed from office by a worldwide Synod of Bishops.

Gordon Allport wrote a lot about the nature of prejudice and one of his points was that with a truly and deeply prejudiced person, the introduction of accurate data not only did not change minds but strengthened the prejudiced persons antipathy.

However, some facts are in order relative to your posting.

If an abused person files suit relative to abuse, the plaintiff clearly has to establish his or her claim in a court. The court is the 'decider'

Contemporary social science has established that when a child is raped, sodomized or incested, particularly by an 'alter Christi' ie a priest who is another Christ, it takes a very substantial period of time for the victim to come to terms with the abuse, often decades. And victims of abuse are damaged developmentally in extraordinary ways, some commit suicide.

It is, however, critical to the victims sanity to come forward (whenever they can) and deal with the abuse. Some file civil suits, which again have to be proven in court.

Many victims are very anxious to identify the predator so as to protect other children from abuse. In CA, over 300 sexual predators were identified when the statutes of limitations were opened up for one year, thus identifying those predators and protecting CA children from further abuse.

The notion that the victim was able to say 'No' is repugnant.

The Church has been complicit in knowingly passing on predator priests to unknowing parishes. The 2011 Grand Jury report in Philadelphia details this as does the report in 2005.

I suspect this data will be totally unpersuasive, but hope I am wrong.

If the accusers were making false claims, then the Church is wrong to continue to settle with these accusers for billions of dollars. The fault for huge settlements falls on the Church authorities who could prove the innocence in a court of law. Instead the Church has chosen to avoid court, avoid having Bishops or religous superior testify, and to settle out of court or declare bankruptcy, usually the day before going to court so Bishops will not have to testify on why they knew of accusations against and priest, ignored it, and continued to allow the priest to do ministry, rather than report the accusations to law enforcement. Had Bishops properly reported, the civil authorities would have investigated the criminal behaviors of these priests, and if found guilty, sent the priest to jail, and no monetary damages would today be paid out. The only reason monetary damages are now being paid out is the statute of limitations for criminal charges are not on the books, only the statutes for civil damages. To obtain civil damages the accuser must show that the church authorities failed to report, not that rape accured beyond a reasonable doubt. If you don't like what is happening, namely that billions are being paid out on suits that demonstrate that Bishops and religious superiors knew of abuse and failed to timely report this to police, then fault the Bishops and religious superiors, not the accusers. It is the Bishops who have chosen to avoid reporting to civil authorities the original crime, and now are avoiding testifying in court over civil monetary damages that has resulted in the huge payouts. It is the Bishops at the expense of the accusers, civil authorities, and laity that have chosen these sets of rules.