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The car and the pine cone
by John Dear SJ on Oct. 13, 2009
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Printer-friendly versionSend to friendPDF versionThere are many facets of nonviolence. We’re just beginning to plumb the mystery, the possibility, the hope of becoming a nonviolent people. But there is, I think, one basic straightforward and practical measure of our nonviolence -- how we drive.
Surely, in the closing days of fossil fuels, the ideal is not to drive at all. Meantime, until cars fall into obsolescence, in this day of road rage and texting on the road and talking on the cell phone, the principles of nonviolence would have us drive centered and aware, peaceful and calm, so as not to hurt a soul.
That means, of course, no offensive driving and no handheld devices. Rather we embrace good, old-fashioned courtesies. We go the speed limit; we offer a nod to let cars in ahead of us. Without citing the word “nonviolent,” Road and Travel magazine offers a nice litany of tips for nonviolent driving: don’t tailgate, don’t cut others off, be magnanimous, offer leeway, don’t express anger, don’t get drawn into a confrontation.
Of course, these days, it’s easier said than done. I violated several of these recently while driving through an unfamiliar town. A side street beckoned, a shortcut to the main road. Thirty miles per hour read the sign on the post. I turned in, only to find myself behind a driver crawling along like a farmer flogging a lazy mule over a hill. In fits and starts we moved ahead, sometimes as slowly as five miles per hour.
I was flooded with annoyance. Why won’t she go faster? I thought. My frustration level rose. Is she lost? What possible reason is there for this? Soon we came to an intersection. Inwardly I pleaded with her: “turn right, turn left, go anywhere but straight.”
At the intersection she stopped, and stayed stopped long beyond a reasonable hiatus. Then finally, off she crawled -- to my disappointment, straight ahead -- at the rapidity of a tortoise. Alas, she would be my pacesetter for another block.
By now, I had had enough. I pressed on the horn and blasted the air, a blast good and long. That ought to get her moving, I thought.
Her car lurched to a stop. Out came the driver, apoplectic, a young woman with fury in her eyes. She stormed over to my car window, eyes popping out of her head, and screamed. “What are you doing? Why are you in such a hurry? You’re scaring me!” On the instant, my anger eased, and I fell into an instant case of sheepishness. “I’m so sorry. You're right.” Back to her car she stomped, twice looking back with a fierce glare.
As we again crawled ahead, I wondered: what had happened? It was only later that it dawned on me. My boorish behavior had little to do with her or her driving. Rather it had to do with an old pain. That morning, a Jesuit I had visited casually uttered the name of a certain Jesuit provincial, one who had written me last year, urging me to leave the Society of Jesus because of my anti-war work (a fairly regular occurrence for me; not a day or a week goes by without some severe criticism). I thought I had let go and moved on. But here it was again, the wound reopened and another bout of anger and resentment -- which I unleashed on the poor driver ahead.
Such is the mechanics of road rage. Some hurt or bitterness stirs anger within us, and along the highway we take it out others. We cut them off, lean on the horn, and fling in their direction a choice and unflattering name. And in the process we put each other in harm’s way.
There is a story by a German member of the Order of InterBeing, Thich Nhat Hanh’s community. His name is Karl, and he spent a lot of time on the road with Nhat Hanh. Once in Austria, on the way to a retreat, while at the wheel, Karl started picking up speed. Along he went with gusto, far above the speed limit, the great Thich Nhat Hanh sitting beside him. Soon Nhat Hanh put his hand gently on his arm and said, “Please, Karl, it seems you are driving very fast now.” Embarassed, Karl slowed down and maintained the speed limit.
Later, during a rest stop, Nhat Hanh vanished into the woods for a little “walking meditation,” and then returned. “I have a gift for you,” he told Karl. It was a pine cone. Put it on your dashboard, he said. “Every time you drive faster than the speed limit, it should remind you of my wish that you mindfully take your foot off the gas pedal.”
I’ve taken the story to heart myself. While hiking alone in the Rocky Mountains National Park in Colorado recently, I found a beautiful pine cone and placed it in a conspicuous spot in my truck. It reminds me to drive more nonviolently, more slowly, more peacefully. Sitting there, it also makes me smile; it calls to memory Nhat Hanh’s gentle and wise way of teaching us how to be more mindful.
Life is short. I don’t want to spend it hurting others; I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again. Neither do I want to waste it in useless anger, impatience, or frustration. Nowadays I’m adding to my spiritual disciplines the practice of peaceful driving. As I move along, I listen to music, say my prayers, and enjoy life. I try to avoid the rush and impatience.
Nonviolence is ever unfolding, ever new, ever challenging. It requires vigilance, creativity, helpful reminders and constant reflection about each aspect of our lives. It’s a journey, but even so, a nonviolent journey. The deeper we go into the mystery and mysticism of Christian nonviolence, the more we realize, there’s no rush. We’ve already arrived. As Nhat Hanh would say, we’re already home.
****
This week, John helped host the Pax Christi New Mexico Assembly with guest speaker Fr. Louie Vitale (see: www.paxchristinewmexico.org). Next week, John will speak in Kona, on the big island of Hawaii, on his way toward a national speaking tour of New Zealand. John’s latest books, A Persistent Peace and Put Down the Sword, along with Patricia Normile’s John Dear On Peace are available from www.amazon.com. Next month, Orbis Books will publish his new collection, Daniel Berrigan: Essential Writings. For further information, see: www.johndear.org.
Hey, this was so enjoyable to
Hey, this was so enjoyable to read - I don't even know what to say. At this moment - all I can do is feel. Just thinking.... "Blessed are the peacemakers........ I can't seem to stop crying lately.
John, thanks for such a
John, thanks for such a simple everyday idea as Driving in a non-violent way. I learned this some time ago while going to work. I was stopping at a red light and let my foot off the gas pedal to coast to a stop saving gas. The man behind me was so impatient that he switch lanes and went in front of me just in time to be stopped by the red light. At that point I just started to laugh in my car. To rush ahead for one car length and a red light just made me realize has impatient drivers have become. The car still had to stay behind the same 10 cars that I was driving behind. 10 years ago I would have sped up just to cut the guy off. But as I have renewed my mind, I just relax when I drive and don't let others behaviors effect my driving attitude. The kingdom has already arrived and I, being a child of God, should remember that I am out driving to serve others. If God wants me to get someplace sooner than I should either leave sooner or God will turn all the lights green!!! Love you writings. Jeff
It is a great reminder to be
It is a great reminder to be nonviolent in every aspect of our day. From how we speak to our children, spouses, store clerks, and yes indeed, our behavior behind the wheel. Thanks for the gentle reminder- I will be more mindful myself! Thank-you for the gospel work you do!
In 2006, my wife and I
In 2006, my wife and I visited China where our son was teaching english. In Beijing, our first stop, I was amazed of the driving habits of the Chinese. There was so much congestion with cars, bicycles and pedestrians and all moving in a very courteous manner. I couldn't help to think about how this situation would work in the US. It wouldn't, there would be horns blowing, angry words, minor and major accidents and a possibility fights or even worst. Although the majority of Chinese do not practice a religion, mainly because of the closed society and government suppression for much of the past 60 years, they practice nonviolence in their daily lives. I think they could not live so close to one another if nonviolence was not part of their life.
This is not to say they don't have traffic accidents because they do. Although, I don't recall seeing any major accidents while in China for three weeks. However, we were on our way to the airport in a nice taxi waiting for a traffic light to turn green, when the passengers in the car next to us opened their door to exit their vehicle and banged our taxi. Well, undoubtedly, it put a small ding in our taxi and our son said, "this is major." And it was, after 10 minutes, we exited our taxi, retrieved our luggage and flagged another taxi for a ride to the airport. The two taxi drivers were still arguing when we left the scene.
John: I love this essay.
John: I love this essay. You are peace, John. Keep teaching. Keep praying.
I'm putting a pine cone on my dashboard. Pat
In the home of
In the home of violent-driving habits, Houston, I hear frequent confessions of road rage. I admit that I was confessing it myself for the first two years here. One day I had a "mindful moment" - infrequent in my driving times - and realized that much of the "rage" is connected with being rushed and finding Houston's always-heavy traffic an annoying "surprise." People were constantly slowing each other (read: me) down and the fact that I had set my cruise control to a reasonable rate, only to have it defeated only exacerbated my rage. So, in that mindful moment, I firmly decided to leave at least 5 minutes earlier than I normally would for any appointment, and to accept what life gives me (quick traffic or slow) peacefully, knowing that the people in the other cars are my sisters and brothers with their own stresses and needs. I've offered this advice to people in conversations and confessions. I have not heard, one way or the other, whether it has helped, but it's what I have to offer!
Stay with the Jesuits, please, John! You're why I admire them (along with Dan Berrigan)!
Dear God, yes. The Reverend
Dear God, yes.
The Reverend Father John Dear SJ and the Reverend Father Daniel Berrigan SJ, God, yes, are the reasons to believe.
The relevant passage in this piece are :
"That morning, a Jesuit I had visited casually uttered the name of a certain Jesuit provincial, one who had written me last year, urging me to leave the Society of Jesus because of my anti-war work (a fairly regular occurrence for me; not a day or a week goes by without some severe criticism). I thought I had let go and moved on. But here it was again, the wound reopened and another bout of anger and resentment -- which I unleashed on the poor driver ahead."
What in hell is wrong with the anglo American Roman Catholic Church that these good and holy and prophetic and apostolic priests are persecuted by their own society for political purposes which have NOTHING at all to do with the Word of God and the proclamation of the Good News of Jesus Christ and the commandment to work for peace and for justice and the liberation of the oppressed?
How in God's name is our good Bishop Gumbleton's speaking engagement in Michigan CANCELED at the last moment by the local bishop, and the Reverend Father Louis Vitale canceled in Richmond, as well as the FORMER BISHOP of Richmond diocese, for daring speak of God's peace and eschatalogical justice of the Reign of God.
Since when is Peace not the message? When did they rescind Love thy enemy? I did not get that memo . . .
Dudes. Where's my Church?
frère charles du désert OSB OBLAT (Congrégation de Subiaco)
Thanks for the pinecone, I
Thanks for the pinecone, I may only carry it metaphorically on my dashboard, but carry I will.
peace,
jane
Let there be peace on Earth
Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.
COME TO SANTA FE THIS WEEKEND
COME TO SANTA FE THIS WEEKEND on Saturday morning to Nuestra Senora de La PAz Roman Catholic Church to hear the Reverend Farther John Dear SJ and Franciscan Father Louis Vitale speak on PEACE!
The Rev. Fr. Vitale of course has been recently refused by the new bishop a speaking engagement in a Church in Richmond, just as the previous Bishop had been, and as Bishop Gumbleton now has been at the last minute in Saginaw, so please COME SEE FATHER VITALE speak freely in a true Roman Catholic Church in Santa Fe, whose name is Our Lady of Peace (Regina Pacis).
Fear for my little truck so
Fear for my little truck so far from home left me out of this wonderful retreat, which had all of my prayers there, while my profound need for their prayers remains here, unmet for fear for my little truck.
Too bad the auto industry lobby a century ago killed our excellent growing public transportation system in order to require us to buy ever more automobiles under planned obsolescence, ever more Bush petroleum, ever more rubber, more steel? And now we run out of gas, our atmosphere is warming, our nation pushing deeply in debt to car loans like Thoreau's small farmer living a life of quiet desperation, but we are not so quiet in our desperation, raging at the meek and desperate driver before us rather than embracing as a friend, sister, brother, fellow traveler upon the railroad, rather than raging against the whole unjust corporate machine which placed us here like pods to be milked for profit.
Why can't I just catch an overnight trolley into Santa Fe? Why must we each be individually canned and competitive upon the asphalt? We not just sit side by side upon the bus, hold hands and hum the Kumbya?
just wondering, and regretful VERY deeply not to be present at this much-needed retreat.
frère charles du désert OSB OBLAT (Congrégation de Subiaco)
I was there Charles and was
I was there Charles and was sorry to have missed you. I had a great experience and learned a great deal about the Military Industrial Complex in New Mexico. Scarey, scarey stuff.
Got a solution. I walk the
Got a solution.
I walk the block to work.
Drive five kilometers to Church (I know I should walk but my old right knee gets sore sometimes).
Speed limit is mainly 35 MPH.
That's top speed for my little old pickup that lost its rear end on the way to a Los Alamos action with the Reverend Father John Dear SJ about a year and a half ago.
Lost my rear end for driving too slow through Santa Fe.
Sorry dudes.
frère charles du désert OSB OBLAT (Congrégation de Subiaco)
by the way once more the Rev. Fr. John Dear SJ brings me to the prayer of tears.
DEO GRATIAS
God bless and keep him always. Amen.
As you pointed out, so seldom
As you pointed out, so seldom is are anger actually about what we profess it to be. More often than not some event provides an an opportunity to project out the tension we are carring from some other issue.
Still, I wonder why the driver in front of you couldn't just pull over to the side of the road and let you pass. But that would have meant that she would have had to let go of her anger and her fear. Sometimes there are simple solutions, but these simple solutions would require us to let go of our anger. And, frankly, there is something about us that is attached to our anger. It is always self-rightious and, in a stange way, charisted and self satisfing.
Common courtesy is a
Common courtesy is a vanishing art. It is clear from Father John's story about the driver in front of him that that is so. It amazes me how little courtesy is found on the roads, and I include in this statement the woman who was driving so slowly. After all, how did she know that Father might have had a serious need or emergency situation that needed to be dealt with, yet her inordinately slow driving could have been an obstacle. Clearly that never crossed her mind, her only concern was that someone had honked at her and "scared" her. Obviously she never considered her own complicity in this situation.
Not long ago a friend and I sat in a theater awaiting the start of a movie. It was quite crowded. I happened to make a comment to my friend and this lady in front of us heard me, turned around, and began to offer some advice about my comment. I said something along the lines of "thanks" and went back to my conversation with my friend. The lady, however, did not see the conversation at a close and continued to interject herself. Finally, I made a comment about turning around and minding her own business and, in a huff, she left. She returned with the manager and said that I had been rude to her and had ruined her evening. I told the manager that the woman had interjected herself, without being asked, in our conversation and had gotten angry when I asked her to mind her own business.
The point is that this lady, without so much as a by your leave, felt comfortable enough, felt it her right, to interject herself into a private conversation and then got angry when someone had the audacity to call her on her rudeness. It amazed me that someone would be so uncourteous.
Finally, "the ideal is not to drive at all"? Seriously? While I would agree that the recent issues involving oil are concerns, certainly I would not agree that the solution is giving up the modern conveniences and the excellent standard of living which we have worked so hard to attain. Obviously the answer is to find more cost-effective and long-term alternatives to oil. I note that even Father John appreciates the truth of this in the fact that he has not stopped driving himself.
Public transportation is not
Public transportation is not workable in most parts of the United States. Inspite of the density of many of our cities, we are still VERY spread out. The cost / benefit is not there yet.
In some areas, like near DC, public rail works pretty well. In other sections, the oil situation will have to get VERY bad before the benefit of building it outweighs the cost. It's simple economics.
Green writes: "Common
Green writes:
"Common courtesy is a vanishing art."
This may also be true upon the comments section of the great ncronline.org
Was your handling of the situation artful?
just wondering
frère charles du désert OSB OBLAT (Congrégation de Subiaco)
Yesterday I discovered
Yesterday I discovered another overwhelming even horrifying temptation contineed in the steel cage of the automobile: cutting us off form our brothers and sisters.
Normally I walk to Mexico to Church and groveries and all, but at least once a week I must take the old truck over to wash clothes at the laundromat, as I did yesterday.
Normally, walking, I negotiate each day with the various street peddlars and homeless children and mariachi musicians and windshield squeeegee guys how many coins I will leave them, often having wonderful conversations and engaging in the most significant relationships of my life.
From my truck such was not necessary, and when those squeegee guys found I had an actual windshield for once, came to chat, despite my pleading they leave my Mexican dust as I bring her powder by powder north. As the chat became more intrusive into the contents of my cab, I felt the overwhelming urge to close the window and lock the door, as in US cities, and to cut off my brothers, and the children, and the Indian families who ask for coins, to whom I freely give, but now felt the right and privilege and opportunity to close the window and leave them outside hungry, cut off, and myself alone.
May God forgive.
I'll walk, Lord willing, as Jesus commanded, with nothing.
frère charles du désert OSB OBLAT (Congrégation de Subiaco)
rev. fr. john dear,
rev. fr. john dear,
please do not leave the jesuits or this church, we need you to speak out for peace because we are a violent nation and do not know it. i pray that we will wake up some day.
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