Marriage: A prophetic way of life

Beautiful homily! I've always felt that it's the three candle route and I feel bad when some misconstrue the idea that to become one means "you will think and act and do as I say" by the dominant one of the couple. Sometimes the man is dominated but too often it is the woman and what I see there is selfishness and fright. Some people are so afraid in this world that they need to control those around them in order to feel safe and secure. So, it is hard work to see each other as individuals yet one. It means putting aside our fears for the other's growth. It means good things too though. There is someone who gets to know you so well over the years that when times are bad we know how to help and when times are good we share them too. I've been married for 37 years to someone who said something I thought was profound about the sacrament of marriage. "When you don't love each other anymore, the sacrament of marriage keeps you together until you do love each other again". I hold onto that as in a marriage as long as ours to be truthful, there have been times we have rather fallen out of a loving feeling but the sacrament did help us stay put and always, always, the love comes back.

Somewhere while reading in one of my Social Work textbooks on Marriage Theory, the author stated that love, real love, not the romantic kind, can not exist unless it is between equals. As long as one person, usually the male dominates, love in its truest sense, wanting the good for the other, is not possible. I am glad to be reminded that in the scriptures it states that God made us, men and women, equal, not just complementary (hope that it is the correct word) as Pope Paul II stated. Somewhere patriarchy took root and the male held the power in the the relationship. Perhaps that is why so many marriages fail these days. Women have been subjugated for thousands of years but now slowly they are coming closer to full equality. There are many psychological reasons why people want to dominate and control, that goes for both male and female, and there are also cultural institutions that reinforce domination. If we could only come to understand the teachings of Jesus and follow his ways, our world would be a different place. As Bishop Gumbleton states...."Very difficult, but what a marvelous reality."

Actually, "and the two shall become one" refers to the complementary nature of Man and Woman in Marriage. If the nature of Man and Woman were the same, than Christ would have said, "and the two equal two".

Thank you Bishop Gumbleton for this homily that will help many of us re-member the begining and ongoing of the Sacrament. You played a sigificant role in the Celebration Rose and I had in the basement church of St. Gregory with the Card. Leger community nearly 40 years ago. I admire your witness these many years.

@ Nancy - If I understand my catechism, the nature of all humans is the same (cf. CCC 1703). Otherwise, there wouldn't be such a thing as humans at all, only Sarah, Jack, Jenny, and Bill. As Bishop Gumbleton points out, the standard of the Rite of Marriage is that marriage is "a symbol of the love of Jesus for his church." Trying to figure out the meaning of "the two shall become one" is a little harder; even St. Paul ends up saying, "This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church" (Eph 5:32). There are some good arguments for seeing both equality and complementarity for women and men, and in a Church that believes in the Trinity, one-plus-one doesn't always equal two (or one or three). Christ has become the bridegroom of the Church, but that does nothing to eliminate Christ or the Church; we are the Body of Christ.

PLEASE READ THESE VERY DISTURBING WORDS FROM MICHIGAN, which closely resemble those of the Richmond Diocese refusing ITS OWN FORMER BISHOP to speak to a PAx Christi meeting:

Statement of Bishop Alexander K. Sample In Response to Bishop Thomas Gumbleton’s Public Appearance in the Diocese of Marquette
10/9/2009

“I attempted to handle this matter in a private, respectful and fraternal manner with Bishop Gumbleton. It is unfortunate that what should have remained a private matter between two bishops of the Catholic Church has been made available for public consumption.

I want to first of all say that my decision to ask Bishop Gumbleton not to come to Marquette had absolutely nothing to do with the group who invited him to speak, Marquette Citizens for Peace and Justice, nor with the topic of his publicized speech, since the Church is a strong advocate of peace and justice. I am sorry for the negative impact this has had on those planning this event.

There is a common courtesy usually observed between bishops whereby when one bishop wishes to enter into another bishop’s diocese to minister or make a public speech or appearance, he informs the local bishop ahead of time and seeks his approval. Only on October 9 did I receive any communication from Bishop Gumbleton, after this situation had already become public.

As the Bishop of the Diocese of Marquette, I am the chief shepherd and teacher of the Catholic faithful of the Upper Peninsula entrusted to my pastoral care. As such I am charged with the grave responsibility to keep clearly before my people the teachings of the Catholic Church on matters of faith and morals. Given Bishop Gumbleton’s very public position on certain important matters of Catholic teaching, specifically with regard to homosexuality and the ordination of women to the priesthood, it was my judgment that his presence in Marquette would not be helpful to me in fulfilling my responsibility.

I realize that these were not the topics upon which Bishop Gumbleton was planning to speak. However, I was concerned about his well-known and public stature and position on these issues and my inability to keep these matters from coming up in discussion. In order that no one becomes confused, everyone under my pastoral care must receive clear teaching on these important doctrines.

I offer my prayers for Bishop Gumbleton and for all those who have been negatively affected by this unfortunate situation.”

Wonderful homily Your Excellency! All that you said of course goes for same-sex married couples as well, its deeply discouraging that the Church does not recognize their unions as sacramentally, spiritually, or emotionally valid. The unconditional love with which Christ gave up His life, for the sake of the Church and the world, should be the same way in which the prelates and other leader of the Church should be viewing all human beings, regardless of sexual orientation, "Love one another as I have loved you!" Hopefully, one day we will see this mandate made into a fully comprehensive reality within the People of God.

Equality of dignity and equality of the need for holiness does not translate into indistinguishable roles. The husband is not the wife, the wife is not the husband. Just as Jesus is not the Church. Now Arrogant dominance, violent supremacy, cruel tyranny has no place in friendship or marriage. And in loving marriages typically the spouses have their own genius for areas of life... I've never known a happily married couple where major decisions were made only by one spouse without consultation. In their marriages however I have seen them agreeing to follow the guidance of the spouse with more experience; so the wife typically runs the home, the husband the garage, and both the disciplining of the children. When it comes to marriage let us also look at the Holy Family; Mary was by nature and grace far superior in all ways to St Joseph. Yet it was his role to lead them from Nazareth to Bethlehem and then onwards to Egypt and then back to Galilee all on the basis of dreams! He didn't even rank a visit from an angel! As we imagine the ideal marriage let us look to and meditate on these ideal marriages, the saints. Not on the pet theories or ideas of modern self-described 'marriage experts'.

Tyranny of the pope, silence all solutions to problems in church.

Thanks Frere charles du desert for reminding us of the wrongdoings of the Bishop Michigan Alexander K. Sample banning Bishop Gumbleton from speaking on any topic at all to the diocese. The suppression of dialogue, the repression of mercy, justice, compassion, intellectual and religious inquiry is horrendous and what the pope and this Bishop Sample are doing in direct disobedience to Jesus and to God. Jesus encouraged dialogue and requests and made changes due to dialogue and requests of the people.

Bishop Sample is a disgrace to the faith. He disobeys integrity and Jesus Christ and God in what he is doing to Bishop Gumbleton and the people of the church.

What a pity that Bishop Sample does not realize that Catholics can actually think for themselves. Silencing controversial views about the role of women in the church, married priesthood, sexual issues, and other topics only perpetuates an unhealthy, dysfunctional Church. I should think that a Bishop does not need to rely on (i.e., compel) silence to be able to teach effectively.