Sex: Obedience & Disclosure

Being Catholic does not seem to suit you, maybe you need to find another church.

Fabulous article, Richard Sipe.

"Woven into the fiber of Catholic sexual teaching and celibate operation are unresolved factors that make:

*immoral behavior

*secret lives

*sociopathic patterns of personality adjustment

not only

*common,

*especially in the upper echelons of power,

but also

*inevitable across the board in too many clerical lives.

The unresolved issues form a sick system."

So now we know. We know that John Paul II was a church-man, not a God-man. He, by using the "hush-hush" method of dealing with important issues, did more damage to the church than any recent Pope, except, of course, for Benedict, who followed in his footsteps and is still inflicting his share of harm upon the faithful.

The Vatican is such a "sick system" that no amount of ostentatious vestments, old-time rites, "new" missals or conservative rhetoric will prevent people from looking more closely into "the sick system" that needs to be destroyed.

What about adultery? Why isn't it on the list of Dr. Sipe that needs discussion?

Richard Sipe has hit the nail on the head - and while he is not the only voice calling for radical change in the way things are done, he is certainly adding to the larger voice of the Spirit that gives life where the rule of law/obedience gives death. The voice of the Spirit is getting louder each day, and one day, even those in positions of authority will be forced to deal with the dysfunctional church that we have accepted for far too long. Those in high places forget that the Spirit speaks throughout the entire Church - not just through those who still live with the trappings of empire. Real change happens when the right circumstances come together at the right time - and "you cannot stifle the Word of the Lord".

Your analysis is accurate and shows the fallacy of a hierarchy working out of an absolute dirsregard for the findings of psychology, sociology and the developments in theology. I applaud Richard for the fight he is waging. There is no longer a single "voice in the wilderness". The topology and geography has changed.

Thanks, Dr. Sipe, but unfortunately, you are preaching to the choir.
Everyone knows you are right on point, except the people who can do something about it.
The hierarchical system in the church, which the hierarchy claims is of divine institution will be the death of the church as we know it.
I have come to the position that that is indeed good news. Maybe we can start all over again, using the Gospel as our guide.

This is an excerpt from 'Seeing God,' an unpublished essay I wrote in 2001.

Somehow, we've distorted, even in our religious approaches to life, the meaning of our sexuality. We have inherited remnants of Gnosticism, Puritanism and Jansenism; all of which saw sex as lower nature, concupiscence, animal instincts, base appetites and other negative euphemisms. These attitudes can be traced back to the ritual purity requirements of the Jewish priesthood, and perhaps beyond. Similar attitudes are found in certain Oriental religions, and we are told that the married Gandhi took a vow of celibacy toward the end of his campaign for the freedom of India.
Today's distortions are the overreactions to yesterday's. If you hold a light object under water, then let go, it will not simply rise to the surface, but beyond it, then fall back. It takes some time to reach equilibrium, and makes a lot of waves in the meantime.
In promulgating Humane Vitae, Pope Paul VI predicted a decline in morality, which he linked causally with the acceptance of artificial birth control. History would seem to have proven him correct; but has the causal relationship been established? Can we say that God' s creation of sex is the cause of pornography, rape, adultery, etc. ? Or did the acceptance of artificial birth control simply become another development to be abused?
We need to recognize all aspects of our sexuality as sacred gifts from the CREATOR, which give us a role in the mystery CREATION.
Our first identity is sexual: "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"
And Motherhood, which we all claim to honor and respect, begins with conception in a sexual communion. It is the wonder of new life and love which ought to be the basis of our sexual values. When else do we come so close to participation with GOD? Conception is the means God uses to begin an Eternal Life. It is only from such a value level that we can realize the evil in its distortion or abuse.
Fatherhood, which Jesus used as the analogy of God, begins with this same communion.
We are back to the source of our first images, from which we draw our pictures of God.
Of course, long processes of attraction, selection and growth in familiarity lead to the love which should precede this communion, the "This is my body." which bride and groom say to each other, "it is now also yours." in a Sacrament which includes the presence of God, and witnesses: "Sex is sacred. In God, it is the source of LIFE!"

Obedience, which is the key to fidelity, is at the core of everything it means to be a Catholic. Without it, one cannot be a Catholic. If one does not wish to embrace it, there is no point trying to be a Catholic because one "protests" the obedience and is, therefore, a Protestant.

AMEN!AMEN!AMEN!

Because I like to form questions for discussion, here goes:

If everything that the Church suggests is in fact "natural", why do we need laws and instructions to follow?

I propose that celibacy is not normal, and that the Church has failed to properly instruct on the proper spiritual exercises to observe it willingly. Celibacy is a spiritual exercise that needs constant renewal in the proper way, not a "nudge nudge wink wink" look the other way attitude.

Marriages and the production of male heirs were - historically - about carrying on a blood line and accompanying property transfers. It's a major factor in why the Church turned to celibacy when it did. 11 of the 12 apostles were assumed not to be celibate: they were married. This proves that a married man can serve God, doesn't it?

Thanks for pointing out the Emperor's lack of clothes. As a gay man, and former religious, it took me a while (many years ago) to understand that the Church's teaching about sex were not based on real understanding, and therefore of questionable real value. The imbroglio of the abuse scandal makes the tendentious nature of their teachings even more obvious.

I appreciate this essay for its clear and direct naming of the problem. I agree on these points: the sexual abuse crisis is an institutional crisis that shines a light on the issue of sexuality/celibacy, that clericalism is a major obstacle to addressing the issue at the root of sexual abuse, and that, as a result of their denial, bishops have lost moral, spiritual, and, I would add, even sacramental authority.

Perhaps it is laudable, or at least legally necessary, to put into place fingerprint protocols and education on "good touch -- bad touch." However, these measures are common sense at best and are another form of cover-up at worst. The article indicates what is needed -- dealing "credibly and openly with all of human sexuality." And a good deal more of compassion (and I would say also compensation) for those who have been scarred by sexual abuse.

Thank you again for a thoughtful article that gets to the heart of the matter. I was recently forced to resign, in lieu of being fired, from a diocesan position I held for 20 years due to plans to marry a man transitioning out of the priesthood. Last year we both informed our bishop, who asked my now-fiancee to go to a retreat/treatment center to discern this serious decision. He returned after spending five months in prayer and counseling and again expressed his wish to leave the priesthood.The bishop relieved him of his faculties and he picked up paperwork from the tribunal in order to begin the laicization process. I am also working on paperwork to obtain a declaration of nullity from a previous marriage.

A month after a new bishop was installed he informed me at the close of a work day that I needed to resign that day or be fired due to the fact that when we marry we will be living outside the sacramental nature of the church. I was not surprised although I was saddened not to be able to say goodbye to co-workers after having an excellent work record for two decades. It seems that I could have departed in a better way. The bishop and human reources director had written a resignation letter for me, which also bothered me, so I went back to my office and wrote my own. I told the bishop I understood but hoped he would look at the inconsistencies of priests who have secret relationships that usually seem to be accepted or ignored. I also told the bishop I wished this particular man, who is a good priest, would have at least been recognized for handling the plans for our relationship as honestly as possible. The human resources director brought me boxes to pack my belongings and that was my final day at the chancery.

We are not perfect individuals but we have grown over the 50 years of each of our lives and to live as a married couple seems to be the healthiest and happiest way we can love God, ourselves, each other, our families and the community at large. In a dream-world he would have immediately been released of his promise to celibacy rather than the ministry he loves and we both could have kept doing our jobs and helped to build up the church rather than be put outside the gates. I am not bitter, just happy to be with a good, sincere man. It sometimes seems to me that church policy and Christianity have little to do with the other.

Many of us have already struggled with our conscience about all the the above mentioned "thou shalt nots" of the Catholic Church, Pope on down the clerical hierarchy about human sexuality. As a Clinical Social Worker, I suggest that the entire Catholic hierarchy go back to school, take a few current courses on human sexuality, read more about the contemporary research of human sexuality and gender issues before they embarrass themselves further. Enough said.

Sexuality is the elephant in the Vatican's living room. The secrets and denial just add to a pathology that will continue to whittle at the Church's integrity and mission. Until the Pope and his advisors admit there's a problem more priests and lay people will be hurt.

SUPERB!!!
ALL FROM THE SPIRIT THROUGH THIS VOICE!!
ALLELUIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for this thoughtful piece. My heart aches for people who are homosexual because they are condemned to a life of loneliness if they want to be in a relationship but also want to follow Church teaching.

I am so angry at the arrogance of the hierarchy over the abuse, and the whole teaching on human sexuality. How dare they now tell me how to make choices regarding sexuality after what they've done and their behavior? It makes me angry to the core.

I appreciate that you stated your case without easy slurs and slams, but with intelligence. I can't do that and I am grateful for your words.

Congratulations to Richard Sipe for a clear statement of the problems which the laity have understood for over 50 years. Out clergy have raised a stone wall to barricade the sexual issues from consideration. May the Holy Spirit move us to open the doors of prayer, debate, and respectful study of all these related issues.

JR

Amen! Amen! Amen! The best column yet on the abuse crisis. Thanks!

Thank you Richard. At last some rational thought about a way out of this mess. I have been really longing to hear someone start to sing on key.

The problem is that the "upper echelons" will never enter into this conversation in terms of the global church and the poor Parrish priests are rarely up to the task. Think of the wonderful compassionate men who stand in front of their congregations and offer Mass day in and day out and try to picture them leading a congregation through some form of sexual renewal that is not currently Church dogma. I don't know about you, but that's hard for me to envision.

Here are the truth's as I see them: Throughout the Church's history, it has been the laity that has saved the Church from itself. I don't believe that it will be any different in this instance. Often it was a pre-saint that led the faithful to a better place and very often that pre-saint was a woman. Once again, I don't see any need to rewrite history.

Now that you have laid the infrastructure on a foundation of truth and logic, where will find find our Saint.

My Church often asks that if we know of some young person who seems to be fitted for the clergy, that we should not hold back, we should mention the fact that we feel he should think about placing himself in the hands of the Church. (That might be a bad way of putting it in these days). So I'll ask here: If any one out there knows of a woman who is ready to lead, ready to accept the support of the body of the Church, ready to suffer the worst of the "upper echelon", mention your observation to her. You might be talking to a Saint. You might be starting the Church's recovery.

I totally disagree with this position, there is points made that hold some value. The Church's teaching on sexuality are more fare then all Christendom. The clergy abuse that took place in the past has nothing to do with what is covered in this essay. I would love to write in detail my position as a 26 year old male who loves my faith, my God and my Church. The church is Holy but is made up of human beings, perfection is not possible, however, the truth is not open to discussion! This is not politics there is no far left like what is written here, nor far right, there is truth and nothing else! And we should not disrespect the Pope nor the Church!

Aaron

Amen. Richard Sipe's words are sad but true.

Now, how can a Church headed by people who have grown up under the present regime gain the insight and energy needed to heal the "sick system?" The secular history of feudalism's end is not an encouraging example, is it?

This is a great essay. Thank you for it.

I would only add one thing to your list of "intrinsic evils" in the the theme area - the one stated by the USCCB in 2009: a heterosexual couple living together before marriage. I seem to recall that wording was whitewashed before publication, but the final product didn't change their intent at all. What a shame!

Thank you Richard! The Divine Doctor (TA) went down the wrong rabbit hole on human sexuality. You appear to be the first commentator who has gotten to the root of the problem. In short, masturbation is a sin against God, rape is stealing a husband's property. (Seduction is stealing a father's property.) If even an impure thought is a moral sin (we were taught this in the novitiate), then sexual violence is no big deal. Once father X has "abused himself," a sin against God, then everything else is a lesser offence. Basically, everything becomes o.k.

It is still taught in the seminaries that masturbation is a graver sin than rape or incest. So, keep your hands off yourself and your hands on someone else. Even if it someone under your authority.

A most intelligent and thoughtful commentary. Thank you!

Tina Beattie, a British feminist theologian, has written that extreme fear and hatred of women permeate the Vatican. This concurs with Sipe's comment.
As disciples of Jesus we are called to love, not hate, our neighbor. For the hierarchy, that includes women. The Vatican officials thus violate the most basic command of Jesus--much more crucial than any designation of sexual sin.

An astute (as usual) analysis of what clogs up the church: and it is all about clinging onto power. They (so-called leadership) want to keep their nose in your bedroom during your most intimate moments. I would hope there aren't many folks left who allow this intrusion. I became skeptical at 8 years of age when I read about sins which "call to heaven for vengeance." Now, many years later, I gaze with wonder and horror as the church unravels from the core. Remember the Wizard of Oz? Well, this whole process (yellow brick road) leads to the Vatican and behind the GREAT FACADE are the cardinals and pope winding gears and pulling the levers.

Not so much a case of the elephant in the room but the elephant in the trousers or is it the cassock? But seriously this is all sad but true. The Church needs humility to acknowledge that in all too many areas, especially the area of sexuality it has simply got it wrong. The psychological, emotional and spiritual damage that these negative attitudes and messages have caused is colossal. Centuries of intimidation, physical violence, spiritual threat have left the Catholic population dis-empowered, enslaved by fear and with no confidence in the guidance of the Holy Spirit within. The Good News of Grace got lost somewhere along the way and the collusion of State power and Church power led to the dominance of law-based religion which was precisely what Jesus came to free us from.
"New wine, new wine skins, new cloth, new garment" - sadly the blindness of those who have put their faith in the institution and not in God means that many will go the way of the majority of Jesus' own people(cfr Romans 11). We are all still loved by God but some are determined to stay locked in the past. Perhaps their blindness means that once again the Good News can break free for the healing and reconciliation of the world. We no longer need an institution obsessed with its own power and authority and determined to keep people dependent and unquestioning. We have God, we have Jesus, we have the Spirit and the kingdom is growing wherever there is compassion and love, truth and humility.

There is something missing in the logic here - you seem to be suggesting that the solution to the failure of some clerics to observe the expected standards is to do away with standards. There were indeed problems with a neurotic and repressive approach in some pre-Vatican II seminaries, due to a voluntarist and dualist approach to ethics that ultimately went back to Occam. But the crisis took off in earnest when there was superimposed on that the faddish let-it-all-hang-out, whatever-you-feel-is-right-is-right-for-you approach of the 1960s. A debased pop psychology is no use to anyone.

It is impossible for Church authority to reestablish even a modicum of respect and believability until it can discuss openly and honestly the full range of sexual issues that so vitally affect human welfare.

The Church is so far off the beaten path and the experience of real people with real sex that I now wonder if she will ever be able to accomplish your well-defined goal.

Whenever I start to think this way, I recall a priest that very emphatically, so much so that my then fiancee and I almost fell off our chairs, told us that sex is beautiful and we owe it to each other to enjoy it as much as possible with each other.

To both of us it was apparent that he was treading a fine line between Rome's obsessive, almost pornographic, pre-occupation with pelvic issues and the reality of God's creation.

There has to be more than one priest with this kind of wisdom and I hope they prevail because right now Rome is the biggest obstacle to living a holy life and attaining eternal salvation...unless you do the opposite of what Rome demands!

"Church representatives who already declared the sex abuse crisis “history” and their research representatives who estimate that the phenomenon was a time limited phenomenon and “over” understand neither the history of religious celibacy nor the real dimensions of the current crisis. Their callowness does a major disservice to the Church, priests and people."

Sipes comment here clearly represents the big lie celibacy defenders have proffered only in this century. Clerical sex abuse is now known to result from mandatory celibacy, and had been demonstrated since the first attempt to deny priests the sacrament of matrimony in 306 AD.

The problem is we Catholics have been misled into believing Jesus wished His apostles to remain celibate in honor of Him. This canard today would prohibit St. Peter from becoming an apostle, because he was married.

Heresy leads to other sins, in this case sex abuse. Today few Catholics understand the heretical nature of this law. Catholics should read the article "Heretical Celibacy" at www.illicitcelibacy.com, which celibacy defenders refuse to acknowledge.

Respect and believability are gone, not to return until or unless the arrogant clergy seeks "absolution" from the church as a whole - meaning "the people", who really ARE the church.

How many of us do you think will pay attention to men who say, "Do as I say, not as I do."? Get over hating women and enter the real world.