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PDF versionThe weight of violence
Soldier recalls when killing was simply pressure on trigger
Aug. 05, 2010
ESSAY
No act is more violent than taking another’s life. Four years of my life were defined by training to commit, attempting to commit or committing these very acts of violence. During this period I was one of the unfortunate Marines put into situations where murder seemed to be my only option. For me, this taking of lives was only half of the sad and violent story that was my life from ages 18 to 22.
The other half of the story is one that most people do not consider when they sign the military contract that gives away the right to their own lives.
It is the story of friends that you lose in war that is left untold in recruiting films.
It is the story of the friends who are so badly wounded that they will never live a full life again after being heroes in a war that means nothing. These types of stories are what shaped my life in the aftermath of the violent confusion that defined my years in the Marine Corps infantry.
What made me realize the true severity and true weight of the act of murder was a series of incidents on Nov. 26, 2004. It was a sunny and warm Thanksgiving Day in Fallujah, Iraq. It was my unit’s third straight week without a shower, hot meal or change of clothes. The day started normally, mortars and rockets exploding outside the walls of the house we had made into our temporary central command. I remember thinking as I put my boots on that this day felt different.
The first task of this Thanksgiving was to retrace our steps of the last 21 days and show a “body snatcher” team where we had killed people so they could dispose of the remains. This mission, which I thought would get me out of the daily patrol and maybe save my life, was supposed to be simple: Just walk with this team and show them where we had killed people.
The physical aspects of such a task were comparable to a vacation at this point in my life. What I did not expect, however, was the emotional toll this would take on me. The things I saw can only be described as something from a terrible nightmare or a gruesome war movie. The bodies were barely human. They had few human characteristics remaining. This was the first time I had seen the results of my violence up close. It made me feel disgusted with myself, that I was able to do such things to another living being. I was not quite sure what this meant, because being a Marine means that you make no mistakes and you are always justified.
Unfortunately, I was unable to avoid the daily patrol that day. In fact, my platoon had waited for me to get back so I would not be left out. On this patrol I watched my close friend get killed by a machine gun. He, two others and I went into a house where there were six men in a room with the door closed and mattresses on the ground so they could not be heard moving around. Brad walked in front of the closed door and was shot seven times in his body and twice in his armor. He died before he hit the ground.
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In the confusion that occurs after such an event, I -- who was directly behind Brad -- fell onto the stairs behind. Everything around me was moving in slow motion. Once I regained my composure I realized what had happened and was so enraged that what I did next was the complete opposite of every human instinct in my body. Instead of trying to help my friend, as most would have, I went to the door that Brad had died in front of and kicked it in and shot wildly into the room.
The story of this day is important because it is an accurate account of the ways in which I have handled violence in the past and illustrates the reasons why I handle violence now. The act of killing, in these years, was as simple as three pounds of pressure on a trigger, and that’s how we were trained. What I realize now, astonishingly for the first time, is that I should have questioned my orders at every instance when I was told go somewhere to take another’s life and that killing another living being is far more complicated than three pounds of pressure on a trigger.
There is no contract with any government in any country that can justify murder of any kind. By the same token, I cannot justify my actions by claiming that I was simply being obedient. Those were my decisions. I made them, and now I must live with them forever.
Today I feel terrible for what I have done and I have been haunted by nightmares every night since my return home. These experiences, my education and the reevaluation of my past have brought me to where I am today when it comes to violence. I have seen firsthand what the most gruesome violence looks like and I know that I was capable of committing it. I am actively trying to learn about being a nonviolent person and have worked hard to avoid violence. So far I have been successful.
What I am most afraid of is not the person with the guns, it is how I will react to the violence they bring into my life. Will I revert to the instincts that were drilled into my head while in the military -- the same instincts that sent me through the door shooting wildly? Or will I remember what it felt like to see the dead bodies that my friends and I had killed, and be sickened with the thought of taking another’s life?
It has and will continue to be a learning process for me and I hope very much that I can be the caring and compassionate person I believe I am.
[Brandon Frazier is a student at the School of International Service at American University in Washington, D.C. This essay was written for a class on “The Principles and Practices of Peace,” taught by NCR columnist Colman McCarthy.]
Ican relate to what this
Ican relate to what this young man is talking about because of the daily violence on our Texas=Mexican border. The war has come home to us in ways which we did not envision. The war was somewhere else, something on TV. I have met and listened to Colman McCarthy. Like a true prophet he is quite alone. Our neighboring Mexican clergy by and large are silent or cowed into silence. I would love to hear Colman's "take" on our situation and an inspirational push. Deacon R C Salinas
May the God of Peace bring
May the God of Peace bring you peace, at last, Brandon Frazier. The violence also rests on the shoulders of all of us at home who did not fight hard enough against invading Iraq.
I completely agree with
I completely agree with Shirley, and I also thank you for your brave, articulate sharing of your experience. Your essay should be read by everyone, but especially, as someone else commented, by our high school youth. I don't yet know how to live in peace myself, but am eager to learn more about non-violence.
Sorry - no
Sorry - no sympathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST WHAT DID YOU THINK THE MILITARY WAS ALL ABOUT WHEN YOU JOINED?
Didn't you know what a gun was for when they handed it to you for the first time?
When you read history and hear the phrase "Never again!" Didn't you have a clue what it meant?
Don't you get how hypocritical the church really is when theleaders ban abortions but look the other way when a country starts a war?
This reminds me of the MD who allowed the Army to pay her way through medical school; then became a consciencious objector when they sent her out to the field! Willing to take the money but not willing to do the work that the the money paid for!
When people were talking about Iraq being a war of choice - not a war of necessity; weren't you listening/ Didn't you get it?
War - regretabily is sometimes necessary - but it should be extremely rare - not one for every generation!
Jeeze, Anon, lighten up. The
Jeeze, Anon, lighten up.
The kid was trying to tell you that no, he didn't know, he didn't have a clue, he didn't get it anymore than I knew or had a clue of got it when I signed up. Or any of the other guys responding to this piece, for that matter. You can't possibly know what this kid went through and is going through until you've been there yourself. Have a little sympathy, okay? It will do you good.
Paul, I was bothered by
Paul, I was bothered by Anonymous's post and wanted to respond, but I didn't, as I didn't think I could do it in any way that would show charity. I thank you for saying what I wanted to say without the lack of charity I would have shown.
Your comment is one of the
Your comment is one of the most hard-hearted things I have ever read. This young man was barely more than an adolescent when he began his attempt to serve his country. No, I'm sure all the things you mentioned did not reach into the depths of his idealistic heart when he enlisted. May God have more mercy on you than you have shown toward Brandon---you'll need it!
YES, please lighten up. The
YES, please lighten up. The young only know death from an intellectual standpoint. Rarely, does a young person know death emotionally. The reality really hit this young man like a ton of bricks.
With this war going on in 70 countries, we will hear from more young people like him.
American culture has a ugly thread in it. We covet our neighbors. It has been so since the beginning. After WWII we coveted the whole world. The more we get, the more we become fearful so we strive harder to make our military almighty. Is this what we want to sacrifice our young people??? Will we spend ourselves into impotence??
If in the 1970's we had taxed the consumption of oil we would not care one hoot what the Arabs did. We would not be dependent on the Arab oil and probably would pay less at the pump because we would have alternatives.
We change one person at a time. My congratulations to him that he found out. My prayer to him is that he find a way to forgive himself because Christ has.
WHo are you? What is your
WHo are you? What is your name? Why do you judge and not claim responsibility for your writing? He was 18. How old are you?
What were you thinking and doing at 18?
I don't believe Brandon was looking for sympathy. He was sharing his awareness of all our cupability in violence. He claimed responsibility.
Brandon, Thank you for sharing this reminder that all of us are capable of violence. Continue your journey in non-violence knowing that there are many who walk with you.
Dear Brandon thank you for
Dear Brandon thank you for your courage and honesty in showing me the face of war that is not often shown. War and violence is not the answer. I pray that each day brings you healing and peace.
Thank you for such an honest
Thank you for such an honest and vulnerable sharing. I pray you will know peace,
I was a Marine also and
I was a Marine also and Vietnam was my war. I did two tours and I remember many of those days like yesterday. I can emphasize with what Brandon is feeling. Unfortunately, the feelings of guilt, remorse, sorrow and rage never completely go away. They do diminish with time and over the years I have tried to turn a truly negative experience into a positive one. Right now, platitudes do not work, self flagellation does not work, even kind words from friends and strangers do not work. But, in time the dreams will become less vivid, the feelings of anger will diminish. But you have to help yourself, nobody else can do it for you. If you rely on chemically-induced relief, all you end up with is another way of telling yourself that you are somehow damaged. You are not damaged--the world is. Try to live within it according to your own rules of compassion and forgiveness. Seek out positive ways to try and undo the harm that was done to you by this horrific experience. Only you can do it. Surprisingly after all these years, I find that overcoming Vietnam has given me the strength to deal with other painful trials in life. Semper Fi.
To Brandon and Chuck: Thank
To Brandon and Chuck: Thank you so very much for sharing your personal experiences and crisis of conscience and ongoing emotional trauma that comes with the violence of war. I believe that history generally shows that war is about the worst way to solve a problem that human beings have come up with. The costs are unbelievably high and the results are far too often permanent damage and destruction of people and land. The reasons for going to war are often revealed to be far less than honorable and ultimately motivated by the greed and arrogance of power brokers who stand to benefit in some way, now or later. When I was growing up, young men were drafted at 18 or even younger, when it is simply not possible to make a mature, reasoned judgement about what you are getting yourself into. Even without the draft, most recruits are still young and naive and full of hope that they are embarking on a meaningful adventure they will survive, then go on to get job training or a college education. Instead, as Brandon describes, far too many are killed or maimed and most all are emotionally scarred for life. We as individuals and as a nation must commit to non-violent resolution of conflicts so that one day, no nation is willing to send their young people off to war but instead recognize that they are our beloved sons and daughters, deserving of long and happy lives in a just and peaceful world. God bless you, dear ones.
I wish you peace and comfort,
Lydia in Phoenix
Brandon & Chuck as an old one
Brandon & Chuck as an old one I've lived through several wars but only from afar for several reasons. The Vietnam era (during and after) opened many eyes (including mine) to the realities of war. It was the first time people talked openly about them. Both of your insights contain much fodder for beneficial reflection. I was never the same after reading the first book by the author, Philip Caputo RUMORS OF WAR. Philip is a Marine (there is never a former Marine)who was one of the first to begin to exorcise his demons publically. Your advice, Chuck, that Brandon needs to help himself in lieu of anyone else doing it is priceless as all that follows in your comment. Much of it reminds me of how Philip Caputo's life seems to follow along the track you lay out: 1. "You are not damaged-the world is." We have to discern our true conscience and how it was manipulated. And thus, RUMORS OF WAR was born. 2. "See out positive ways to try & undo the harm done to you...." Brandon has begun this process by enlisting in Colman McCarthy's class. Philip Caputo began a long and prolific literary career. His books all center on/focus on effects (for good or bad) of following or ignoring one's own conscience. 3. Overcoming a horrific experience gives one the "strength to deal with other painful trials in life." Philip reveals a few of these later on in life. This is wisdom worth heeding. I think I'd submit also that it gives the strength to support others in their "painful trials" as I sense Chuck has done more than once.
These two stories hit me deeply because they remind me of my own past complicity with regard to conscience and war. You see, I taught Philip Caputo in sixth grade; I also taught many other boys who got sucked up in that war. My complicity lay in the fact of silence regarding peace/war. We simply didn't talk about it then as we didn't talk about the evils of racism. Those of us who taught religion in the blissfully ignorant 50's could have much to regret. Some of us were lucky enough to meet up with circumstances and people who were able to open our eyes and hearts to reality. As Chuck stated so eloquently, hard experience provides future strength to deal with other painful trials and to reach out to others in like situations. Thank you, Brandon and Chuck for ....
This brought tears to my
This brought tears to my eyes. Arriving home from war is just the beginning of this poor soldier's nightmare. With support from all of us and God's help, let us hope he and so many others will find peace.
Thanks for writing this
Thanks for writing this essay. It should be read by all high school students in America. I have been in the field of teaching non-violence for many decades to high school students and find that when they hear from one of their own age, it has a much greater impact and is certainly a great teaching device. Kudos also to Coleman McCarthy - we don't have many like him who have devoted his adult life to educating others for a more peaceful and just world.
I agree wholeheartedly that
I agree wholeheartedly that every high schooler should encounter this side of the story! They certainly are exposed to the recruiters side - often on a daily basis in some schools where they have a "permanent" table in the hallway/entrance to their buildings. I can't speak to parochial high schools - only of public. I am proud of the service my son and daughter gave to our country in the Army - my son did two tours. BUT it was the promise of educational funds that was their primary decision, and the idealism and seduction of being a true patriot to a young impressionable teenager was the hook. As a parent, how do you counter such ideas without coming across as anti-American? Thankfully, both were finished with their tours of duty before the war in Iraq, although my son was sent there to "clean up" after Desert Storm, and also did hazardous duty in Korea (for the extra pay!). I am SO thankful that my children do not carry the same wounds that these two (and many I know personally) are burdened with.
1. Thank you Brandon for
1. Thank you Brandon for this Truth. Yours is a stellar example of the lies of war that so abuse the idealism of youth. I believe a main cause of war is to simply give the Military Industrial Complex their 20 year "cash bump" which gives them the money and experiences "in the field" to create even more "effective" killing techniques which will be sold for the next 20 year war cycle -- which is changing to an ongoing war "cycle." That is why Republicans support it so vigorously because it is so "good" for their business contributors. (Yes, power is for sale in America.)
Believe me, there is nowhere near the money or creative energy spent developing techniques of peace as there are developing tools of war. In fact it is vastly easier to make the things for war than to redistribute God's wealth to ALL people so that their life struggles are manageable.
2. The first time I drove into Washington DC, I couldn't believe it but I spontaneously broke into tears thinking of all the people this place had sent to their deaths -- because of the war decisions made there.
3. I once asked my Carmelite Aunt's fellow Sister why is there so much evil in the world. Her answer was "free will." God gave it to each of us and our use of it is what we account for at the moment of our death: The decisions we made and carried out in our lives. I thank God for Mr. Frazer's changed perspective. We all should exercise our free will and work to end this sad aspect of humanity -- making war.
Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your incredibly powerful story. When decisions are made to send our young people off to war, I am afraid many do not have the insight you have shared. I do not believe war is the answer but I am not in charge. If war is the choice then serious efforts must be made to assist our military so they can be reintroduced into a society without the need for violent engagement. There is no on/off switch that can reprogram a human being. God bless you for your courage. I can only pray for your healing. Telling your story is an important part of healing.
WOW !
WOW !
Thanks for writing this, Mr.
Thanks for writing this, Mr. Frazier. God knows I'm no bloodthirsty neocon, but isn't it possible you're being the tiniest bit hard on yourself? You chastise yourself for returning fire instead of helping your friend (who was beyond help). By working to remove the threat, weren't you, in fact, helping the two guys behind you? Wouldn't they think so?
I know you don't want to hear this, but thanks for your service.
Your story breaks my heart
Your story breaks my heart for you. I know what it is to live with guilt about violence that only I know I am capable of. As a very young, exhausted mother, I had such anger toward my little baby, that I rocked his bassinet with anger and impatience in my heart, that I caused it to collapse with him in it. He went forward and bumped his little vulnerable head. And I also had an afternoon of such anger and impatience from his crying, that I cursed him and wanted to bite him, which I almost did. Those moments of anger have haunted me, because now, as a grown man, he has emotional idosyncrasies, which make his life impossible to live normally. I blame myself for that. I never felt that anger towards the other three children I have. But it haunts me, because I feel to blame for the less than successful in happiness life that he lives. It haunts me whenever I hear of those who feel guilt for doing some form of violence they cannot understand from themselves, or even if they have committed the violence in a moment of madness. In moments I believe I am as guilty as having committed something worse than I did, and that I shouldn't be forgiven. But always, I know that if there is a God, whatever power that is or whether it is only the power in me that sustains my life, or the divine God, to whom I am emotionally tied, I am forgiven. We are all sinners, we have all fallen short of the virtuous Glory of God. And we are still forgiven. I will not go into all the theological reasoning for it, which is only Man's attempt to explain the spiritual power we feel apart from our earthly life in a way to understand it. We are meant to learn what is perfection, but the only way each of us must learn is to experience it and put it in perspective. From there we are to use the wisdom we have learned and try to share it with others, as you have done, and go on from there. We are meant to share life and experiences with others and hopefully we help someone else do something better with their life, as we are learning. We glorify what is the right way to live. We are rewarded with joy, whether we deserve it or not. It is in this sharing that we feel that forgiveness. It is in changing our lives and beginning again that we are born anew, each day, each moment, into a new life of joy and blessing. I wish that for you. I hurt for you. But I am happy for you that you have learned how to look at your experience and see the truth of a situation that is facing so many young men who only want to do what is right for their principles, for their nation. They walk through the valley of death each moment in the military, and whether they will pass through it on this earth or into another existence, they are doing their very best they know. I don't agree with some
I hope he has given
I hope he has given permission to use this essay on NCR. I sympathize with
this young man who was prompted to join the Marines to serve his country only
to find he was serving a country other than his own and for a cause that only
involves power, prestige and money. He is not responsible for the lives he
took nor is he responsible for the anger he demonstrated by killing those
responsible for killing his friends. The U.S.A. should not be asking young men and women to fight in a coountry that continues to have a tribal mentality.
It does no good because they will only continue in their tribal ways after
the US has left. We in the US have helped our young men become more caring
and unfortunately it has hurt those who have gone to war zones. They cannot
deal with death, horro, destruction, etc. It means they are more human and more
humane than during other wars. It means we are evolving to a more humane
people. But it has its toll. I will pray for him to find peace. He didn't
create the situation, our government did and it should be ashamed.
What a brave and
What a brave and compassionate person you are to share so intimately your process of doing violence and the aftermath this leaves you in. I am very much antiwar - yet love my marine grandson who is serving his third tour of duty in the line of fire - one in Iraq and two in Afghanistan - in the infantry. He believes so strongly in what he is doing - I cannot fault him, yet at the same time, I pray daily for an end to all wars and violence. Yet my neighbor's 31 year old son across the street tried to burn them down in their own house two weeks ago. Violence is everywhere - not just in war zones. We all need to have our voices heard in how we vote - to put people in office that will not permit or support or encourage wars. Wars only solve one thing - who is the strongest of the two. And yes - there is much profit in supporting wars for those in the business world. I agree with a previous writer - spend as much on peace efforts as war efforts and we will have a better world. God bless and keep you safe - may you grow in grace as you confront the aftermath of how war impacted you - the writer.
I've worked with combat
I've worked with combat veterans with PTSD from several different wars. I've also experienced war trauma myself as a child and suffered from PTSD myself. Not everyone has the same reaction to their combat experience as Brandon Frazier. In fact I wish more veterans could verbalize their combat horror as well as Brandon did. I find a few of the replies to Brandon's essay quite objectionable and judgemental. They demonstrate how very little most of us know about war...the sheer terror and fear, where the ability to think rationally is not available. What I want to say is that most of you, well meaning and a few who are not, really do not know what you are talking about. I don't mean that in a mean spirited way, but it is just the truth. Unless you have been there, you can't possibly know. But those of us who have been in war, as a combatant or as a civilian, have experienced how war shatters your life....how your life will never be the same again. You might return from the war, but you are no longer the person you once were. Your parents, your family, your wife and your children will be the first to have to face that loss. Brandon Frazier has shared his experience in a courageous and honest way. Brandon welcome home. Thanks too for NCR publishing this very honest and meaningful essay. I know several veterans who will appreciate reading it.
I hope you're not referring
I hope you're not referring to me, but something tells me you are. Just so's we understand each other, I wasn't judging the author; on the contrary, I was urging him not to judge himself -- or at any rate, not as ruthlessly as he seemed to be doing. Not being his counselor, his confessor or even his friend, I never kidded myself my words could (or even should) make any difference. I did hope, though, that they'd convey my feelings of basic human concern. At the very least, I figured, they'd do no harm.
When it comes to the experience of combat, I'll readily own my ignorance. That's why I did the Jepoardy thing and submitted my answer in the form of questions.
I don't know if the poster
I don't know if the poster was responding to your comment, but I read your post as you explain it.
DEAR SORRY - NO: GOD FORGIVE
DEAR SORRY - NO:
GOD FORGIVE YOU AND ANYONE LIKE YOU WHO HAS NO HEART AND OBVIOUSLY NO FEELINGS.
BRANDON, YOU DESERVE TO BE CONGRATULATED. I WISH YOU THE VERY BAST.
BRO. DANIEL F. MURRAY, O.F.M.
Thanks for sharing your story
Thanks for sharing your story Mr. Frazier. I am hoping that you will find the healing that you need and the support that you seek from others who may be able to relate to what you are going through. Perhaps you will be called to a ministry that will heal you and others. God bless.
Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your story with us all. My son was also in Fallujah during the time you were there and had to have experienced what you had gone through as his mission was recon. What you have seen and lived through is beyond the average American's comprehension. Your courage and bravery, in the theater of war and in expressing your feelings for us to read, is to be commended. My prayers are with you.
For a less violent world I
For a less violent world I highly recommend John Dear's book Transfiguration, and for reconciliation Desmond Tutu's book No Future without Forgiveness.
What did he expect when he
What did he expect when he and his country INVADED: that the insurgents aka DEFENDERS would welcome him with open arms? I have had many discussion with many people over the years about war and why big business and government love it so much. One of the guys in grad school put is plainly at the end of one of these talks, "Soldiers are trained for two activities; to break things and kill people. End of discussion". In fact that did end it and I have remembered his definition for over ten years. Putting on a uniform gives human primal nature permissiom to act with impunity. The real hero is the person who says NO.
How wrong you are JoeP. The
How wrong you are JoeP.
The fundamental problem with being in the military is that you're subject to the lawful orders of your superiors, both military and civilian. For those of us who have been in the military for an extended time, it means having to adapt to the political perspective of the government in power at the time. That condition projects itself into the curious predicament of being expected to fight alongside someone who less than a month before was your enemy. Consider that in less than a career’s time an Air Force pilot could have found himself bombing Orthodox Christians to protect Muslims and Muslims to protect Christians. Same missions, only executed under mandates from different administrations. Which was correct? Was either? And yet we have an obligation to obey lawful orders.
You should be careful regarding your use of the term “invasion”. Technically the United Stated invaded France during WWII when the Axis powers were the defenders. You should also be careful of bandying about the findings of the Nuremberg Trials without the perspective that only comes from having worn the uniform. Military officers and enlisted have a moral obligation to obey lawful orders and disobey unlawful orders. My colleagues in the Judge Advocate General’s Corps will tell you that this can get dicey because the victors decide what was lawful and what was not. Consider again, the Luftwaffe leadership that executed the bombing of London was convicted of war crimes, the Allied commanders that conducted the bombing of Dresden were not. Same level of destruction and many civilians killed in both situations. Primary difference: the winners walk away as heroes and the losers are hanged.
Putting on the uniform does not provide impunity. It actually demands a higher level of accountability that that expected of the civilian population, especially those too cowardly to act, but happy to complain from behind the protective curtain that the military provides to all, regardless of their convictions or political positions. Where did all the human shields in Iraq go once the shooting started? I refer you to Theodore Roosevelt’s commentary on the “Man in the Arena” for a sense of the position accorded the military man and woman. It may also mean making the greatest act of love Jesus spoke of, that is to lay down your life for that of your friends. By the way, we do more than just kill people and break things. Look at the following citations and tell me why the nation’s highest honor was awarded to 22 Navy non-combatant hospital corpsmen for actions having nothing to do with killing.
http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq38-1.htm
Welcome home Mr. Frazier. All of us who wear the combat action ribbon understand where you’ve been and what you’re processing now. Please avail yourself of the mental health support services available at the various military and VA medical facilities in your area if you need help or someone to talk to. It may be the hardest decision you make, but there’s no honor lost in asking for help if you need it.
Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your journey experience. You have chosen roads in the past and also in the present. The current one of seeking nonviolence is perhaps the tougher one, especially following your military experience.
Researchers tell us we can reprogram our brain circuits to change behaviors and ways of thinking. Just as we programed them in one direction at one time, we can with time, effort and practice work miracles and new paths toward more positive goals, desires and behaviors.
Stay positive, accept support and continue to give to others what you can in service. The giving, as you have done in your story here, can be as redeeming as any efforts to revive your spirit.
Shlamaa ( "Peace" in the Aramaic language of Iraq, Iran and Syria )
As this narrative
As this narrative illustrates, every soldier is a casualty in a war. Sadly, few consider this when banging the war drums.
Thank you Brandon for sharing
Thank you Brandon for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am so sad for you and for all that have had similar experiences and have to live out their lives with the torture of them. Because of the 2 ongoing wars of many years and the multiple tours of duties the number is mounting of our physically and psychologically wounded military. I am anti war and anti violence and it breaks my heart that all of you young people are sent to do a job that is against all that is humane or right. War doesn't solve anything and only robs from those that partake. Lives, limbs, peace and joy. I pray for you and for all.
Brandon, thank you for
Brandon, thank you for sharing your story. You are forgiven. The woman who was going to be stoned was not condemned - Jesus said "neither do I condemn you." Thank you for your testimony to peace - your firsthand experience touches those of us who have not experienced what you have, and so much more brings to light the things we'd prefer to turn our heads to. Peace.
Dear Brandon, thank you for
Dear Brandon, thank you for your essay, for its truthfulness and its pain. My prayers for you, for your peace, for your healing, for your continued growth as a man and as a Christian. +MBN
You are my brother and I will
You are my brother and I will pray for you always, Brandon. My Grandmother was murdered by the Nazis only because she was old. However no matter what has happened in our lives we are called to forgive and I pray that you forgive yourself and that you really know that Jesus Christ showed us and urges us always to forgive. You will gain the strength that you need to live and teach others to forgive. I am 84 and know that. God loves us and we are part of each other always as we are part of God and his creation. Do not lose faith. We all admire you and keep you close in our hearts. May you be blessed.EWA
Thank you Brandon. You have
Thank you Brandon. You have given us all inspiration! It is possible to live the resurection life of peace!
To Brandon and Chuck, thank
To Brandon and Chuck, thank you both for your honesty about the horrors of war. Those of us who have never served don't know and will never know the real horrors of war. This helps us understand a little. My Dad was in the Army during WWII, in the Phillipines. I know very little about his war service. I knew he was wounded in the war, received a purple heart, spent several months in a hospital to recupperate and was then sent back to the war. I know his wound wasn't completely healed and became infected while in one of the trenches that was full of water...back to the hospital. I know he contracted malaria. I know he was honorably discharged. I know when he met my Mom after the war, he and his buddies would dive under a table if a car backfired, and feel sheepish later. He didn't talk about the war-the actual combat, certainly never glorified it, wouldn't watch a war movie. About a year before he died, he was 85 and in a hospital again, he was with a physical therapy assistant. The PT assistant had just joined the miliary. (we were already in Iraq and Afganistan)My dad was upset because this young man was married and had a couple of kids but felt this is what he needed to do to make ends meet. In one of his rare times to talk about the war he told us how sad he was about a friend of his, an Army buddy who was married and had been killed in the Phillipines. My Dad was single when he was in the Army. All lives are important regardless of whether a person is single or married but the loss of this man made a big impact on him.
What did he expect when he
What did he expect when he and his country invaded. According to JoeP he expected "to break things and to kill". What Brandon didn't expect was that killing another human being isn't as simple as JoeP makes it out to be. Taking someone's life also shatters the life of the person who kills. To speak so definitively about what goes on in war, especially combat is most troubling. "That putting on a uniform gives human primal nature permission to act with impunity." Putting on a uniform makes you a target to be killed and so "the human primal nature" to survive makes you defend yourself and when you see your best buddy mowed down in a hail of bullets you become enraged and you do things you never believed you could do. Fortunately most of the replies to Brandon's essay could respond with compassion and understanding to what he shared about his combat experience and the consequences of his acts. I respect Brandon's desire to pursue non-violence and want to tell him that there is hope. Both St. Francis of Assisi and Ignatius Loyola were soldiers. Their experience of war and its violence was the catalyst for them to follow and embrace peace. You are in good company as you struggle to embrace non-violence.
I can understand Brandon
I can understand Brandon Frazier - anyway related to the artist? I cannot just read these comments about the Mexican clergy. Since 1981 I have been in contact with Mexican clergy especially concerned with these matters - try looking up the Missionaries of St. Charles. Through the CS I got into detention ministry now Restorative Justice Ministries. Most of the homeless that I meet up with in the St. Vincent Dining Hall, the North Coast Stand Down, the County jails - there are too many homeless there, and there are too many homeless vets!
DO NOT THROW YOUR WONDERS AT THE MEXICAN CLERGY! I have found a predominant lack of Christian virtues among the U.S. clergy in my diocese. I am not proud of it. But it is a fact!
Brandon- I am so very proud
Brandon- I am so very proud of you and your accomplishments. I have watched him struggle with his demons in the years since coming home from Iraq. I know how difficult it is for him to express his feelings about his experiences, because the reality is, we cannot fathom the horrors that he has seen. I am so proud of the fact that he is trying to help others by sharing his experiences. I have watched the young man who grew up as a very compassionate and caring individual, come home from war as a cold unfeeling robot, and again become a compassionate and caring individual. Yes, he has achieved what he said in his essay, that he hoped that someday he could become. The proof is in this essay and all of his achievements since coming home, and in the love and friendships he shares with so many others. Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support of Brandon's healing, because that is what he needs to find his peace. What he does not need is condemnation and guilt from those who so obviously didn't understand the meaning of this essay. My advice to you, instead of condemning someone else's reflection, look at your own, I have a feeling you won't see a person at peace with themselves.
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