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PDF versionEcumenism in interchurch marriage
Nov. 27, 2009
When Steve and Jo Ann Schweitzer, a Cincinnati couple in a Catholic-Presbyterian marriage, first presented a workshop 13 years ago on what canon law still refers to as “mixed marriages,” one couple attended. Today similar workshops draw 75 couples or more.
Deacon Fred Merritt of the Cincinnati archdiocese’s family life office told NCR he estimates that nearly 40 percent of marriages there are interchurch.
“We approach these marriages like any marriage. The couple requests a wedding date at the parish and then they enter into the parish’s specific marriage preparation process.”
He said many times a deacon is asked to prepare and preside at the wedding, since they are usually marriages outside of Mass.
In those cases where a couple would like to be married in a non-Catholic facility, permission from the archbishop must be obtained. The Catholic party in the wedding is asked to sign a document indicating the intention to teach the children about the Catholic faith. In those cases where the non-Catholic party is not baptized, a dispensation must be obtained through the chancery, according to Merritt.
Merritt said that there are as many interchurch marriages between Catholics who seldom attend Mass as there are with those who frequently attend. “I find that many times the interchurch engaged couples attend each others’ liturgy together on a regular basis to try to better understand how it could affect their own practice in the future.
“Unfortunately, many couples who do this tell me they feel more welcomed at the non-Catholic liturgy than at the Mass. The non-Catholic often feels like an outsider while the Catholic is welcomed at the non-Catholic liturgy.”
In the Savannah, Ga., diocese, an area where Catholics are fewer in numbers, the split between Catholic and interfaith marriages is about even, said Pat Brown, a sister of St. Mary of Namur and director of the family life office. “From 1998 to 2009 pretty consistently we have had almost 50/50 Catholic and interfaith marriages. In 2009 there were 236 Catholic marriages and 178 interfaith marriages. In the Hispanic community we find most of the marriages are Catholic.”
She said marriage preparation in the diocese does not focus specifically on or offer a special session for interfaith couples, “although that would be ideal. Many of our couples find it difficult to schedule even the one-day workshops since many are military, students or young professionals, so we haven’t offered an additional workshop for them. We do encourage discussion of spirituality, religious values and decisions around raising children while respecting each other’s faith.”
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Interdenominational, ecumenical, interreligious, interchurch -- all these terms are used. “Some involved in ministry prefer ‘interchurch’ because it defines each partner’s commitment to remain true to his or her religious heritage while working to restore unity among Christian churches,” said Elizabeth Bookser Barkley, professor at Cincinnati’s Mount St. Joseph College who writes about Catholic marriage.
“Whatever you call them, these marriages can enrich both partners and their churches if couples, along with their faith communities, acknowledge early on that they’ll have to work to keep both faiths intact.”
Couples in interchurch marriages “don’t like to see their marriages treated like problems,” says Fr. George Kilcourse, professor of theology at Bellarmine College in Louisville, Ky., and founder of the American Association of Interchurch Families. “The problem is not their marriage, but the division between churches into which they’ve been baptized. We need to start putting the emphasis where it belongs: Christian churches’ indifference to unity.”
The Second Vatican Council’s “Decree on Ecumenism” speaks of the scandal of baptized Christians and churches being divided, according to Kilcourse. “For that reason, the church irreversibly committed itself to the visible restoration of full communion. In the same way, the council’s reference to ‘the separated brethren’ suffers from misunderstanding. Such a separation or division of Christians implies an anomaly. It is a situation which ought not to exist among baptized persons.”
It’s not that Protestants have arrogantly separated themselves from the Catholic church; Catholics and Protestants alike are victims, Kilcourse said.
He cited the words of the “Decree on Ecumenism,” which said: “The children who are born into these communities and who grow up believing in Christ cannot be accused of the sin involved in the separation, and the Catholic church embraces upon them as brothers, with respect and affection.”
Kilcourse said that a pair of steps could move the church toward healing this division with regard to interchurch marriages. “First, Catholics need to recognize the integrity with which interchurch families constitute a ‘domestic church,’ a church of the home that responds to Christ’s universal call to holiness.”
Second, bishops need to embrace and put into practice all the pastoral possibilities envisioned in the Vatican’s 1993 “Directory for the Application of Principles and Norms on Ecumenism.”
“The extraordinary possibility of limited eucharistic sharing is pastoral care especially relevant for authentically interchurch couples. They are very different from ‘mixed marriage’ couples because they conscientiously remain active in their own church, participate to varying degrees in their spouse’s church, and both take an active role in the religious education of children. They bring both extraordinary gifts and unique needs to the church.”
Newly married interchurch couples benefit from open-mindedness, listening to one another’s religious story, and making visible in their relationship the unity that Christ wills for the church, according to Kilcourse.
“I often remind such couples that in the marriage rite we affirm, ‘What God has joined, we must not divide.’ In that sense, we priests and deacons who witness interchurch marriages are defenders of the bond in a special ecumenical sense. The church even delegates to the Protestant spouse a special ministry in the church -- to see that children are raised according to the law of Christ and the church. In light of Vatican Council II’s ‘Declaration on Religious Liberty,’ a Protestant spouse is free to make an equivalent promise as the Catholic about baptizing and then raising the child in his/her own church.
“So couples need to work out, in the context of their unique relationship, the religious identity of children in a way that respects their ecumenical, or interchurch, identity.”
The council reminded us, Kilcourse said, that “whatever is truly Christian never conflicts with the genuine interests of the faith; indeed, it can only result in more ample realization of the very mystery of Christ and the church.”
Rich Heffern is an NCR staff writer. His email address is rheffern@ncronline.org.
Enuf said: “Unfortunately,
Enuf said:
“Unfortunately, many couples who do this tell me they feel more welcomed at the non-Catholic liturgy than at the Mass. The non-Catholic often feels like an outsider while the Catholic is welcomed at the non-Catholic liturgy.”
Any PASTORAL suggestions to make here, your holiness and the ermine draped eminences and excellencies surrounding you with red and purple cappa magnas stretching from from Rome to America?
I didn't think so....and neither do the right-wingers, neo-cons and GOP mouthpieces who clog this blog.
WWJW?
Whom Would Jesus Welcome?
Lets be sure that Roman
Lets be sure that Roman Catholic "pastoral care" doesn't become Episcopalian "pastoral care," which seems to make all things permissible. The local ordinary defines "pastoral care" and no one else.
I'd like to thank Rich for
I'd like to thank Rich for this article, and many thanks to Fr George Kilcourse for pointing out the gifted reality of interchurch families in our midst, families who now compose some 40% or more of all marriages within the Catholic Church.
I would also like to invite people to consider the questions posed in a paper presented at the 2nd conference on Receptive Ecumenism, held in Durham, UK, in January of this year. http://interchurchfamilies.org/articles/faithfulpossibilities.shtm
The question of where that 'one' made by God in marriage is to 'take and eat', 'take and drink', is THE neuralgic issue for couples who live prophetically the unity for which Christ prayed and which the churches seek. We need the nourishment of the Eucharist as much as same-church couples do.
It is my hope that our churches may begin to approach each other in the manner which spouses must approach each other, i.e. seeking to discover and celebrate the value the other brings to the marriage, rather than pointing out what divides.
Again, thanks to Rich for bringing the rich pastoral reality of interchurch couples to public awareness.
I found this article to be
I found this article to be very interesting and would like to share my personal experience.
My wife and I were married in 1966, right after Vatican II. I was Catholic and she was Protestant. We were married in a Catholic Church with the pastor, another priest, who was a personal friend of my family, and the minister of my wife's church, all taking part in the marriage ceremony, which did not include a mass. My wife and I struggled with which church we could attend together. I believe that my christianity has been broadened enormously through our marriage. We eventually joined a Cathoic Church and my wife became a Catholic. All 3 of our children were baptized catholic. About 20 or so years later, our daughter wanted to get married in our Catholic Church. She was marrying a man who is Lutheran. Our pastor asked our daughter if she was attending our church regularly and she told him she was not. He refused to marry them and they went to his Lutheran Church and got married. Needless to say, we were extremely disappointed. My wife and I continue to be actively involved in our Catholic Church. My daughter and her husband do not attend any church. I'm not sure my wife and I could have the same kind of marriage today as we did back in 1966 and I'm not sure if we would be attending any church today if we hadn't had that "special marriage sacrament" back in 1966.
Those interested in this
Those interested in this topic can profit from reading John C. Bush and Ptrick R. Cooney, editors, Interchurch Families: Resources for Ecumenical Hope (Westminster & John Knox Press/U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2002). This book is the product of the ongoing Catholic/Reformed Dialogue in the United States and contains both theological reflection on the sacraments of Baptism, Eucharist and Marriage, and practical suggestions based upon experience.
Gene Fisher
It is good to be thinking
It is good to be thinking about all this, since mixed marriages are more and more common. However, one minor point that popped into my head was the need to have good solid terminology. Interchurch might sound nice, but if we really are trying to respect the reality of the mixed marriage, it is not the best because only very rarely is a marriage truly Interchurch, since the vast majority of non-Catholics are not members of churches. I think mixed or mixed tradition or some other term might be good, it needn't be harsh or belittling to the protestant spouse, but we also should respect reality.
I know it is a minor point, but as Catholics we know more keenly than all other people that things have meaning, and meaning is important.
"...only very rarely is a
"...only very rarely is a marriage truly Interchurch, since the vast majority of non-Catholics are not members of churches."
Check your numbers - the vast majority of Protestants who self identify with a particular denomination ARE members of churches. There are certainly many who don't attend services regularly, just all the Catholics who will be showing up at midnight mass not having been in the church since Easter.
You have a point about the unchurched, but to equate them with Protestants shows a serious lack of understanding.
Do I understand correctly
Do I understand correctly that "The Catholic party in the wedding is asked to sign a document indicating the intention to teach the children about the Catholic faith," means just that. "About" rather than "in" or "As a Catholic."
If someone baptized catholic
If someone baptized catholic who's joined another church years ago marries someone from her/his new church, what is the status of that marriage in the eyes of the Catholic church? Are their children legitimate?
This is an honest question,
This is an honest question, not unlike many that we receive as interchurch families, from people who are curious about anyone who may choose to live a life that follows a different path.
First I would like to address the issue of the child. Many years ago, there was this young Jewish woman who was engaged to be married who became pregnant before marriage and not by her fiance. Oh, she said that it had happened by immaculate conception and that she had been visited by a host of Heavenly Angels. Then she rides off to some other town with her intended and gives birth to a son in a barn. Shepherds came to marvel at this infant, and following a great star, three Magi or three kings came bearing great gifts some days later. Was that infant son legitimate?
I believe that only God can judge the average human being's actions. As for the rest of us, we are simply called to respond to other human beings in the way we would like to be treated if we were in their place. We should respond in a loving manner especially if we are in doubt or confused about which rule may apply.
So, is the child of a former Roman Catholic legitimate? Are the children of any Protestants legitimate? Are the children of Jews or any other denomination considered legitimate? All children should be treated in a loving and respectful way by the adults around them because they will imitate that behavior as adults, and it is through them that we reach into the future. How do we envision the future?
I suspect that your other question may actually pertain to whether a marriage between a Roman Catholic and, let's say, a Protestant since we have been talking about Interchurch Marriages that takes place in a Protestant church can be valid. Yes, this kind of marriage ceremony can be considered valid. Certain paper work needs to be obtained by the Roman Catholic.
On the other hand, If two Protestants marry each other, they may have a marriage sacrament or a marriage covenant that is equally binding as the marriage sacrament in the Roman Catholic Church. They still have a valid marriage. If this is a family member, look for ways to love and to support them.
The Roman Catholic Church accepts the Trinitarian Baptism of other Christian denominations as do those denominations accept a baptism that may have taken place in a Roman Catholic Church. There are some exceptions to this where adult baptism of believers takes place.
Interchurch Families are often not recognized for being interchurch nor for the gifts that they bring to the quest for Christian Unity. Excellent resources are left untapped. How are the churches supporting and encouraging interchurch couples after they are married?
Look for that of God in everyone you meet every day.
All children are beautiful gifts that need to be nurtured by the entire community that surrounds them. All children are legitimate and worthy of God's love; they will need help to find God's love in the world. Reach out in love as often and whenever possible.
I did not realize that in
I did not realize that in interchurch marriages, as a result of Vatican II, the Protestant spouse is given the option to promise to baptize and raise the children in his/her church rather than in the Catholic Church.
Thank you for this article
Thank you for this article highlighting the potentials (and concerns) of interchurch families. What an important resource these families are to help bring Christians back together! What an exciting engagement they have with Christ!
Thanks also to Fr. Kilcourse for his discussion and for pointing out the three important Vatican documents that support our current appreciation of interchurch families:
Interchurch Families
Interchurch Families everywhere owe so much to Father Kilcourse for providing us with clear and correct information. How nice to be seen as the asset we are for Christian Unity that Christ wished for Himself. Each of us bring gifts to the table as Christians in the ecumenical dialogue. Those of us who live these shared gifts know the richness and potential of the interchurch experience. At times, we also face frustrations that are presented by a lack of awareness within the broader community of the possibility we live and share in our domestic church.
I refer to the Decree on Ecumenism, and The Directory for the Application and Norms on Ecumenism often. I am well aware of the Declaration of Religious Liberty (Freedom) and I hold that near and dear to my heart as an American.
When we go to sports events, we cheer for one side to win over another. We may have a favorite high school or college team that we favor over another even to the point that we may brag that “Our team beat your team” when we meet someone we know who favors another team. This kind of competitive mentality should not carry over to our church lives. Christian actions should not be competitive, but complimentary.
As a member of an Interchurch
As a member of an Interchurch Family, I want to affirm that there are challenges to our marriage but what marriage doesn't have challenges? My faith has deepened by sharing in my husband's church tradition. Our daughter has chosen to attend my husband's church more than mine (RC) because of our current priest. I am thankful that we are Interchurch as she may have given up on church altogether.
We are all created in God's
We are all created in God's image. God did not create separations and divisions. God did not make any of us superior to the other. God did not create a class system nor a castes system. God gave each of us gifts and talents. We compliment each other. It is through each other in genuine listening and open dialogue that we get glimpses of that of God in each other. It is through true ecumenical dialogue that we can gain a better image of the magnitude of God who is so difficult to define with mere words.
Christ wanted Christian Unity.
The following statement copied and pasted from above "I know it is a minor point, but as Catholics we know more keenly than all other people that things have meaning, and meaning is important." shows a rather narrow perspective and understanding of the world's religions.
If we are to move into the future and to work toward a world in harmony, in charity and peace, this kind of thinking of "others" needs to be more egalitarian, understanding, and respectful of those cultures and traditions which are rich with meaning.
We must lose this competitive thinking when we speak of religions in our global community. It will be for our global religions working together to create the kind of future we all desire.
Where do we begin? Start with the Domestic Church of the interchurch families. They will be the catalyst and role models for creating this kind of working solution of which the world is in such desperate need.
"Triumphalism" will not work. It will push everyone into a competitive mode from which they will try to prove they are better. This kind of thinking needs to be changed. Starting out by saying that one group has all the answers ends the dialogue from the start. It may also provoke unsavory negative slurs directed toward one side that all of us, on both sides of the great Reformational divide, find offensive who are trying to engage in genuine ecumenical dialogue.
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