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Finding home
by Kate Childs Graham on Jul. 16, 2009
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Printer-friendly versionSend to friendPDF versionThis week, my partner, Ariana, and I bought our first home. Now, those of you who have recently bought a home know that the process is sometimes a little more than complicated, with a fair share of both ups and downs. Through this home-buying journey, I could not help but notice the similarities between finding a physical home and a spiritual home.
Like many younger folks, after leaving my parent's home and establishing my own, I have been searching for a new spiritual home. Nothing has fit yet, although I have found solace in a great faith-sharing community made up of likeminded young adult Catholics. While I treasure this community, I am still on the journey to finding a spiritual home in a church community.
When we set out to buy a home, Ariana and I made a list of the qualities we were looking for in both the house itself and the neighborhood: openness, light, warmth, joy, a strong sense of community, diversity, hardwood floors and so on. Save hardwood floors, the qualities I was looking for in a home seem to match up with what I am looking for in a spiritual home.
Certainly, different people have different ideas about home, spiritual home or otherwise. I have friends, deeply-grounded seekers, who find themselves at home wherever they go. For me, I have found that I need a home to feel like home. I need to know everyone's name, be familiar with the four walls and know exactly what to expect.
In terms of spiritual homes, it seems that too often we don't make room for these different notions of home. Many of my friends have told me of awkward Sunday afternoon conversations with their parents, when the parents ask whether they have been to Mass. Most of the time, participating in Mass makes me feel at home. However, lately it has been hard to find myself at home at any Mass. And so, I recognize that sometimes people are -- maybe for all time or maybe just for the time being -- in need of a different experience to feel spiritually at home.
In addition to explicitly laying out the qualities we were looking for in a house, we needed a good deal of guidance in finding that perfect home. In the home-buying process, our guides were our lender and realtor. They carried us from start to finish, fielding our many phone calls and making sure what we got in the end was just and right for us.
In the quest to find a spiritual home, we also need guides. My guides are the members of my faith-sharing community and my partner, not to mention other friends and family who have helped to keep me accountable throughout the years.
When we were living in Costa Rica, the Catholic church in our little town was not very welcoming. Its fire-and-brimstone aura combined with my limited comprehension of Spanish did not appeal to my spiritual needs. As going to daily Mass had been my prime mode of spirituality before moving abroad, I was ready to give up. Then, my partner helped me realize that I could find God in other ways, whether through daily prayer, playing songs from the infamous Gather books, having post-Mass conversations about the readings and Gospel and creating our own rituals. These things combined with Sunday Mass helped me feel spiritually grounded throughout that year.
Once you buy that house or find that spiritual home and community, it takes a great deal of work. It can seem daunting; I know I am a bit overwhelmed when I think of the work that needs to go into our new home and community. Every spiritual community, whether it has two or 2,000 members, needs and deserves work. After all, community isn't something that happens to you, it is something you build.
A founding member of my hometown parish, my mother has always worked hard to build a healthy spiritual community. Whether it is putting together the bulletin, planning the annual St. Vincent de Paul fundraiser or helping with the Christ Renews His Parish retreats, she is always willing to get her hands dirty. Because of her and others like her, my hometown parish is one of the strongest communities I have ever been a part of. Which, upon reflection, may be why it has been so hard to find a new spiritual home; nothing measures up.
Throughout the ups and downs since we put the bid on our home, life has been equally joy-filled and anxiety-ridden. However, when we turned that key for the first time, it all seemed worth it. I know when I find my spiritual home I'll feel the same way. Until then, I will not stop searching.
Kate Childs Graham writes for ReligionDispatches.org and YoungAdultCatholics-Blog.com. She also serves on the Women’s Ordination Conference board of directors and the Call to Action Next Generation Leadership Team.
Kate, I agree that a
Kate, I agree that a wonderful parish of origin, while a great spiritual launching pad, can be a stumbling block when it comes to finding home where you've relocated. Kind of like Mom (or Dad's) cooking, nothing will ever be quite as good . . . Congratulations on the new home for your bodies and blessings as you continue to seek a home for your souls!
Kate, what a great post.
Kate, what a great post. Being a Catholic... a Realtor... the father of three grown kids (one of whom is gay)... your thoughts touched me on many levels. I enjoy reading your blog posts and I hope your righting continues to touch others. Good luck finding your spiritual home.
It feels so good to have your
It feels so good to have your own home. Congratulations.
I've been to many parishes that felt like home and it was wonderful. Yeah, people we even sang songs similar to Kumbaya although not that one in particular. They were open to helping each other and making the best of life. I've also been to some that I wonder why I stayed as long as I did. Cold, unwelcoming and trying to go back to the old ways. No thanks. I am currently without a spiritual home because I have decided I cannot support a church that discriminates and hurts so many people. It no longer feels holy but evil to me. (Little straws have finally broken the proverbial camels back such as Michelle Obama being told to wear a veil when visiting the pope even as we do not wear them when visiting Jesus in Eucharist) I keep hoping though and am glad God cannot be contained withing walls.
Kate, I believe that the most
Kate, I believe that the most profound statement for Catholics and "home" is found in Romans 12:1-2 which deals with being "home" in the body..
Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the (E)renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
We are destined for an eternal future. Live a good life, do't get caught up in the world. Its simply not forever and we know in faith that a life lived in accord with the teachings of the Catholic Church will be tryly righteous and Joy-filled. I strongly urge you to prefer the Joy of the Lord to the lures of the world the flesh and the devil. Try to live a pure life free as much as possible from temptation. I would suggest raising a family, however given your particular cross, an irreproachable single life is your vocation. Pray for God's Grace! I know that you are hurting...
Please try to be open to the Spiritof Jesus-God come in the flesh!
Peace and understanding in Christ!
Kate, if you are ever in
Kate, if you are ever in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, FL, please visit St. Anthony Catholic Church. I teach in the school there and love attending Mass as well. The sermons don't always "tickle the ears" as Scripture says, but they always warm the heart and soul with God's love. The teachings are sound and the warmth is real. Best wishes as you get settled in your new home with Ariana, and know of prayer for you folks to find a spiritual home as well.
Dear Kate Congrats on the new
Dear Kate Congrats on the new home. Know that Jesus accepts us as we are, he is not obsessed by sexuality, neither did he push celibacy at us. Jesus warmly praised and accepted the much married, living with a man without being married, Samaritan woman, saved the adultress, healed the lepers and the lame and blind, touched the 'untouchables', fed people, praised and defended the woman of the city, ate with Zaccheus, and never told women to be silent or to stay at home, or to just clean and have more babies. Hope you soon find a church community in your new neighbourhood. God bless.
Well said...I love you!
Well said...I love you!
I'm straight, but I have just
I'm straight, but I have just a sneaking suspicion that Jesus might have been gay. He did tell us to love God and neighbor, and he had to relate to the people of his time and place. Not everybody is called to celibacy, and that includes gays and lesbians who want the same opportunities for marriage and family life as the rest of us. I don't see the Church of Rome changing its viewpoint on this matter, but we are seeing the larger Catholic community embracing a wider and deeper understanding of human sexuality. Just as heterosexuals are called to chastity, so are gays and lesbians called to chaste and responsible living. This does not, however, rule out marriage for anybody willing to assume the rights and obligations thereof, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.
This is so lovely and so on
This is so lovely and so on the mark. I'm posting it to my Facebook profile. Congrats on your new physical home, and keep on keeping on with that spiritual home! I'm in the same boat on that one.
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