An Obscene Word

The word death should not be replaced by fatuous euphemisms.

Should we drop the Hail Mary from the Rosary because it contains the dreaded word?

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our DEATH. Amen.

Thank you Father Hays for a beautiful reflection.

I believe the Rule of Saint Benedict (I may be mistaken) teaches us to think of death every day---not in a morbid way---but in light of our ultimate destination. I try to remember to ask myself, with eternity in mind, if what I'm about to do or say is really going to help me get to heaven. I wish that I remembered to do this more often...life would be so much easier, rewarding, and joyful. Many, many thanks for the reminder.

as a catholic who moves in and out of catholasism and potential student of psychoolgy (just enrolling). i am 51yrs old) and many years of working in developmnet in africa and having and ex husband whom is muslim and as a health promotion and behaviour change specilialist , i am a little concerned with how we portray heaven and death and how people use this message for suicide bombers . How can we distinguish the messages we deliver from the church and those which fuel the fundementalist way of thinking , how do we put the greatness of god and our compassion for other human beings apart from these very, for want of a better word, disturbed beliefs , and how do we put these messages accross for those most vulnerable human beings who are at the mercy of those whose whose thought processes are equally disturbed ( not necessarily through any fault of their own.

I have lived in Africa for 36 years as a medical missionary Doctor. Death is always a sad eventof lonliness but the Arican culture is more realistic and normal. I agree that death is an obscene word here in USA to many. What can we do to embrace it /

Wow, can you be brought to your knees in joy? Fr. Ed makes it easy.

This really touched my heart. Recently here in Iowa City, there was a shooting death of a homeless man--one of the Lost Boys of the Sudan. He as 26, had a group of people in similar straits who attested to his goodness, while admitting he was fighting terrible memories, likely severe PTSD, and had a drinking problem. Early one morning, he was out collecting bottles, which he redeemed for a few pennies. The bag broke and the bottles scattered. A 50-something man, known to be a bully and was also supposedly under the influence, much larger than John, started screaming and shouting at him, harassing him, yelling at John to pick up those bottles. Never offered to help. The bully said John tried to kill him--with a small pocket knife, as the verbal abuse continued. An off-duty, plain-clothes sheriff's deputy, appeared and shot John. It was a body shot that killed him. Many have wondered WHY he didn't just wing him is a good question, but the police have deemed it a justified shooting. I went to his wake, and met some of his grieving family who had come from various parts of the country to mourn their lost one. All talked about his gentleness, his kind heart. And they all said that John was finally "at home." The bully was never even checked for his alcohol content, even with a record of heavy drinking and other rages at people when he was drunk. Reading your piece that John "has arrived" has been good for me.

At a public meeting, led by an African-American U of IA professor, one very regal woman from Africa, stood to speak. She had tears coursing down her cheeks. She said, "We came to America, looking for peace. There is no peace. We came to America, looking for opportunity, there is no opportunity. We came to America, looking for a home, there is no home." Those words are haunting. To think that's the kind of America we are becoming. So when you say that John has arrived, that makes me feel less sad at the senselessness of this situation. Thank you, Bobbie Paxton

Lol, saying it's our arrival day is ignoring the word death also. We can ignore it all we want but the shadow looms and although we have faith and hope for a new life, that this isn't all there is, we'd better live as if it is. I can't recall the saying exactly but there is one that says whatever good we are going to do - do today, and it continues with the basic theme of doing the most now because we don't have this life forever. Believing there is a next life with God (as if this life is without Him), I feel we take to that life the joys and sorrows and learnings from this one so we need to do more than sit in front of the boob tube. We need to LIVE this life before we die to our new one.

What a hope filled and joyful and loving prayer coming far out to this parched desert so filled with death, yet bright with life, as this week I buried (by hand shovel with a row of others) a good friend and community leader in Mexico, a great family man whose children I knew well, a good man, so rare, killed with a .45 to the head in the back of his burning sedan.

My hands burying him through tears had not yet healed the scabs of callouses from the week before burying another person from our Church, the mother of a Church brother with whom I have often spent all night in monthly prayer vigil in Church, with the community of monthly Mexican Nocturnal Prayers.

What a prayer of hope here, the ultimate hope and positive attitude, reminding me of the close to concluding passage from the Rule for Monks of Our Holy Father Saint Benedict asking God bring us all together unto Eternal Life, as here Father Hays writes: Upon hearing of someone’s death, our Muslim brothers and sisters say, “We have come from God, and we return to God, and we are on this journey each day of our life.”

Let us make it all together, encouraging one another for this difficult journey ahead, "bearing one another's burdens and so fulfilling the Law of Christ."
frère charles du désert OSB

Oh, WoW!!!

I am someone who has experienced great anxiety over death. Even reading the word "Death" in the subject line of the email link to this article raised some anxious feelings. However, reading this reflection was a wonderful experience. This was the most beautiful and uplifting expression of death I have ever come across. I thank God for your enlightening words Fr. Hays. They are truly inspired.

Thank you for your thoughts on death. I have enjoyed all your writings ever since I first met and heard you speak many years ago at the Newman Center in Pocatello, ID. When my oldest grandson, 25, died August 22, I thought of the Rainbow Resurrection Cross by Collette. Thank you again, Fr. Ed, for your many gifts.

Your thoughts reminded me of a quote from Rumi:
"I died as a mineral and became a plant, I died as a plant and rose to animal, I died as animal and I was Man. Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?"

Father Hays (and spiritual sisters and brothers),

My granddaughter Elise died last year on October 7, 2008. She was four days old, a full-term healty beautiful little girl, except for the congenital aneurysm that destroyed her brain very quickly. In these twelve months I have have to deal with a lot of questions, most importantly the question of who God is; after all, what we believe about God directly informs the entire death issue. The question, why did she die? introduced me to a variety of beliefs from other Christians, re-introducing me to the God whose will is always done; the God who knows how to make us stronger through tribulations; the God who is letting us know we had things too easy; the God whose ways are above ours and inscrutable. And I for one do not want to know any of these gods. The last thing I need is yet another theology. Let's let the cause and effect issue rest. The idea that we come from God, and are returning to God, is just enough for me. Thank you, Father, for reminding me of that.

Death in our culture gives us pause to realize that all life is sacred. The inevitability and finality strengthens our faith and helps us to look outside our self the God. God has given us such a great gift that we try to live life to the fullest extent God asks to live it.