Fear of Being Out of Control

And so how did you stop trying to control those flashbacks. I don't feel like I control them they just seem to appear.

Really! Does the exact number in this case matter? We all know we are more likely to die in a car accident than in an airplane disaster and that is his point. Why make a mountain out of a molehill?

As far as being in control, I am married to a domineering person and so have not had control for all of my life which is 55+ years. I know it and it vexes me. I'd sure like to have a few years to play around with having some control - maybe it'd be an illusion but I sure hope to try it someday.

I hate to clutter this worthwhile meditation with worthless nit picking, but you started it. You say that Fr. Hays' "statistics" on air travel are not correct. Actually, a statistic is defined as a numerical fact or datum. So his data - about 44,000 U.S. traffic deaths per year, and about 300 airline deaths per year (the accuracy of both depends on which year)are not incorrect. The point is that the illusion provided by the steering wheel (we have control) as compared to the airplane, is just that - an illusion. Whether you use raw numbers or percent doesn't change the outcome. You could look at the fatalities per vehicle miles traveled. In the U.S. it is about one in 6800 drivers are killed. The rate in airline passengers is one in 1.6 million. So no matter how you slice it, airplanes are a whole lot safer than cars. A lot of folks just don't feel they are. That's the illusion.

This is a tough one indeed. At my last job, my boss, who micromanaged as naturally as breathing, required that I do the same to my wonderful and capable employees - and I could not do that and remain true to myself. In the end it was seen as insubordination and I lost my job, which turned out to be a huge blessing.

Absolutely.
When Leo Buscaglia told the story of a young woman, a teacher, who was required by her district to do a unit on the "Store" by her district, she and the first graders she led were not inspired. "What do you want to learn about?" she asked them. "SPACE!" was the unanimous response.
So what did they do? They studied the store, which took about an hour, as they all knew everything to know about a store already, and then embarked on a lengthy study of SPACE, which to them held infinite possibilities for new knowledge and ponderings.
In this era of NCLB stupid "curriculums" for standardized test requirements, a similar course of submission as a way to the real way of being in the world is best. "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's and to God the things that are God's."
Fr. Hays is a SPACE man! :-) De acuerdo!

Micro-managing is a syndrome of an organization with a low trust culture. In an organization you have the managerial level, the interpersonal level and the personal level. The level of the interpersonal relationships is where most of the work gets done. These relationships are most fruitul if they are based on trust. And trust is the fruit of trustworthiness - which is a characteristic of the "person." So if you hire trustworthy persons they will build trust relationships. And trust is based on character and competence. You can train competence, but it's more difficult to do so with character. That's why the hire is so important. The point is, in a high trust culture, made up of competent people with character, where everyone knows the mission and objectives, you don't have to micro-manage, hover over, check up. You may mentor a bit, but mostly, just keep out of the way.