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PDF versionCreate meaning from both great joy and great loss
by Angie O'Gorman on Dec. 16, 2011
I was selling my novel, The Book of Sins, at the Call to Action conference several weeks ago when a woman came over and asked in a hushed voice, “is your book all about Jesus?” She was slight, gray-haired and kept looking over her shoulder as if to make sure no one was listening. Her name tag said she was a member of a religious community. I can’t remember the state she was from or her name. She bent in and whispered, “I don’t do much with Jesus anymore. My spirituality is very different now.”
Even in hushed tones though, she was quite adamant that she’d had it with Jesus. I explained the novel was not about Jesus per se but about capitalism’s buy-out of Christianity, although yes, Matthew’s Gospel plays a supporting role for a group of women surviving Christianity’s collapse.
Her own struggle for inner freedom was too delicate even for that. She needed more time for her emerging spirituality to solidify, to anchor in her. She raised her open palms as if to ward off an intruder and graciously said no, her faith was taking her elsewhere. And she left, as quietly as she had come, an odd mixture of freedom and fear wrapped around her.
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I wanted to stop her, hold her face in my hands and say, “Go for it. Give birth to something wonderful, transforming, life giving. Take your time, but go for it. It’s God.” But of course I didn’t, afraid it might seem an aggressive sales tactic. Still, I wish I’d asked where she was journeying from and toward and what set her on her way at this moment in her life.
Now I realize this nameless woman has become for me the face of Elizabeth in Luke’s Gospel. In equal parts apprehensive and expectant, fretful and determined, both are older women receiving good news of new birth. In the nameless woman’s eyes I see Elizabeth’s confusion, the fear of something new and unexplainable. Something perhaps better kept hidden. Something that might embarrass others in its departure from the norm. Older women don’t give birth. Oh yea?
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It is one of the best things older women do. Have you experienced this? The way older women can bring forth new life in themselves as well as others? Create meaning from both great joy and great loss? Make sense of mystery and birth the depths of belief? I suspect Elizabeth had a much easier time with the news of her pregnancy than Mary did with her own. The younger woman may well have feared her handlers more than God. As Holly Near says in her song, 1000 Grandmothers, “An old woman holds a powerful force when she no longer needs to please.” That force is freedom, holy wisdom, creativity, the freedom to birth.
I figure Elizabeth realized she was pregnant, knew it wasn’t because of Zacharias and decided to wait the great God out until the future revealed itself. Zacharias must have realized Elizabeth’s pregnancy was a physical impossibility and thus, not due to another man. I suspect he decided to let well enough alone and keep an eye on developments from afar.
The woman who spoke to me in hushed tones is also waiting the great God out, taking care to do nothing that would imperil the birth. If you read this sister, know that you are far along, it is near time for delivery. The signs are in your eyes and your voice and the emerging ownership that slips out now and then between your fears. Advent is near complete. Your time is due.
How tiresome to hear of yet
How tiresome to hear of yet another apostate woman religious. Does your equally tiresome encomium of her "courage" include the courage to leave her religious order, one that is presumably still part of the Catholic Church which, last I looked, has a great deal to do with "Jesus?" No wonder these so-called religious communities on the verge of extinction. Good riddance to them.
The last time I checked,
The last time I checked, Christianity and Catholicism also had a lot to do with charity and not being judgemental.
Just as a person can feel fear while demonstrating courage, so can someone have doubt and still have faith. Some of the greatest saints of our church experienced doubt, even St. Paul before his eyes were opened. It is not the doubt that is important, it is the continuing search for God. I hope she found him in whatever way helped her. Bless you, Angie O'Gorman, for understanding that and sharing the experience here.
I didn't see a word in there
I didn't see a word in there about doubt. She'd had it with Jesus who knows what that means. But it's clear the author did nothing to help bring her back to Jesus. Nope we just see some neo pagan new age nonsense about birthing the Great God. Not even Christian much less Catholic.
But given the age of this nun she has probably been living in some new age coven of feminist nonsense so long she can't help herself. The Vatican should have investigated these deluded women 30 years ago when there was still a chance to help them. That is the real tragedy of the recent Vatican visit.
So beautifully written! As a
So beautifully written! As a "Nana" to seven grandchildren and living in this second chapter of life, I do see how I am still able to give birth. Long after the physical body has given up the ability to carry children in my womb, I find myself finding rich meaning in the great joy and the great losses of life. Reading about the lady at the conference reminded me that I do believe Advent is near and I do live with the awe and wonder that I, at the age of 60, can continue to give birth daily! Thanks for the reminder to live in a place of expectancy! Merry Christmas
"An old woman holds a
"An old woman holds a powerful force when she no longer needs to please. That force is freedom, holy wisdom, creativity, the freedom to birth."
This old woman thanks you for "naming" the force that has taken hold of me and slowly and sometimes suddenly transformed me and my spiritual beliefs during the last ten years, but especially this Advent time as I approach my 70th year. As a child I loved Advent as much as I looked forward to Christmas and this year I have asked for a renewal of that love of Advent. The results have been surprising and left me fearful as well, a similar process as you have described about the nameless woman that you encountered who became the face of Elizabeth for you. Many of the questions you posed in this article will be points of meditation for the coming year.
Thannk you for your
Thannk you for your sensitivity to the older woman. It spoke volumes to me, since I guess I am in that category.
May we all have the gift of freedom...
Too often we dismiss
Too often we dismiss immediate reactions as depicted in this observation as rejection of the Gospel. When in fact it reflects a much deeper understanding of God's relationship with each of us in His own way and in His own time in our lives.
James Phillips
Third Order, Society of St. Francis
Province of the Americas
Far more often we accept
Far more often we accept complete nonsense as reasonable discourse. We are so interested in self absorbtion and self worship that we lose the ability to discern what is true. In an age when we want to usurp the powers of God why wouldn't you accept such nonsense? I'm sad of the old nun that lost her faith, I'm not surprised at the author's failure to help guide her back to Jesus, and I'm furious with groups like Call to Action who enable the destruction of the Faith.
wow....what an
wow....what an awareness...for another "older" woman...thanks...
Another nun who's "had it
Another nun who's "had it with Jesus". Is there anyone who really wonders why the Vatican is wondering what's going on with these aging women?
These women are not only not Catholic, they are not Christian. Why would the NCR bother covering these neo pagans? Oh wait that question answers itself.
Sorry, I just don't get it. A
Sorry, I just don't get it. A Jesusless Christiianity? Help!
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the wisdom of the wise. So very beautiful and inspiring. I work with those who have lived lives of 100 years and more. They have seen and witnessed so much and now ponder the "now here" and from this "no where" they live each day as another gift open to God's will. If only each of us, at whatever age could live now this wisdom, not necessarily that of a particular expression of faith but that of our loving God.
Dear Angie, thank you for
Dear Angie, thank you for this wonderful reflections. for the past many years I am struggleing to give birth to new vision and the fear of the society is keeping me away from this process. Your reflections articulate my struggle to give birth as older woman.
She was slight, gray-haired
She was slight, gray-haired and kept looking over her shoulder as if to make sure no one was listening. Her name tag said she was a member of a religious community.... She bent in and whispered, “I don’t do much with Jesus anymore. My spirituality is very different now.”
Amazing, was she from an LCWR community? This attitude seems common with some or many LCWR communities. Is there any wonder why these have collapsed. Heck, can anyone imagine:
"I am a Buddhist nun. I wish to be active in and I seek the support of the Buddhist community. But... I just dont do much with Bhuddha anymore. My spirituality is different now"
"Ditto for me on the activity in and support of parts, but I am a Torah scholar who just does'nt do much with the prophets or judaic scholars anymore"
-"Hey Muslims, I am a uhmmm....."Imam on a journey". I dont do much with the the Koran and the Hadith anymore. In fact, I have a different spirituality. What role can I have in your Islamic community"
Many years ago I had a very
Many years ago I had a very holy, scholarly scripture professor who told a classroom full of dumbfounded seminarians, "Sometimes people have to leave the church to find God." That's still true--maybe truer--today. Go for it nameless Sister! Go for it, Angie O'Gorman. God is bigger than any church--certainly bigger than the church of B16 and his minions.
I have no doubt that
I have no doubt that scholarly scripture professor was training seminarians in the '70's.
Notice that this nun was not talking about leaving the church, she had "had it with Jesus".
You do know that Jesus is God, so where does she turn if she's had it with him?
My goodness! I think there
My goodness! I think there are so many times in a woman's life when she feels as if she's wandering in some sort of wilderness, not quite finding the path out of that kind of loss and pain for awhile.. But, for me, anyway, it comes to asking the Holy Trinity, "What is your plan for me now; how will I recognize it and how will I get going again on whatever path is mine?"
Thanks for the wonderful story. Bobbie
Thanks, Angie! I've read
Thanks, Angie! I've read your book and it is both wonderful and frightening. As for your article - Good for You. It's time we move beyond "hero worship" in our religion to the depth of spirituality that God calls us to - a recognition of the divine spark with! Bless you!
Dear Angie, I too spoke to
Dear Angie,
I too spoke to you at CTA and also listened to your profound and wonderful workshop. You have the Spirit of God within and I deeply respect you. I am an older woman who too sees the Face of God in a wider and more inclusive universe.
How tiresome to hear of yet
How tiresome to hear of yet another apostate woman religious. Does your equally tiresome encomium of her "courage" include the courage to leave her religious order, one that is presumably still part of the Catholic Church which, last I looked, has a great deal to do with "Jesus?" No wonder these so-called religious communities on the verge of extinction. Good riddance to them.
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It's amazing how dense some people (such as the one I quote above) can be> They are plagued with an utter inability to understand what people are really saying.
i think I missed the point of
i think I missed the point of this article. Can someone help me understand this?
Your concern is well taken,
Your concern is well taken, however, if we look a little deeper into the message, you will see that somehow the writer, Angie O'Gorman, saw a woman who has dedicated her life to not only Jesus but to her community of sisters and to the church. Somewhere along the line, her understanding of the Jesus she knows and loves has changed and she now is forced to reach out to something different. Maybe if she had that encouragement to reach for another look at Jesus, if she felt that freedom to do so, she wouldn't need to look over her shoulder worried that others would condemn her for saying she is fed up with the worlds view of Jesus. She sees a different path that is filled with doubts and anxiety. Let's hope she can confront those fears and come to a newer understanding of who Jesus can be for her.
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