The Independent News Source
NCR on Kindle - NCR classifieds - YouTube - Twitter - Facebook - Email Alerts - RSS
Printer-friendly version
PDF versionHugs are an outward sign of inward grace
by Michael Leach on Feb. 14, 2012
Vickie Leach is a serial hugger. When a party is over it takes us an hour to say goodbye. Don’t even mention weddings.
Ponie Sheehan, our friend, is the Wonder Woman of huggers. When she and Vickie get together they disappear into each other. Don’t sit in the same pew as Ponie if you panic at the kiss of peace.
Participants share the sign of peace during Mass at the National Catholic Youth Conference in Indianapolis Nov. 21. (CNS/Catholic New World/Karen Callaway)Vickie and Ponie are adult children of a kinder, gentler time. It is their loving habit to express a truth of our existence: We are all literally in Love. We live and move and have our being in Love (Acts 17: 28), and nothing can separate us from that Love or from each other (Romans 8:38-39). Can anyone separate a wave from the ocean? Our purpose in life is to come to see and to show what we really are in Christ. A hug is an outward sign of an inward grace. It expresses our spiritual oneness with God and each other. What could be more beautiful?
Jesus hugged children, embraced cripples and kissed lepers. St. Paul asked Christians to “greet all the brothers and sisters with a holy kiss” (1 Thessalonians 5:26.) A holy kiss is synonymous with a hug today: a warm, friendly, respectful gesture of unity and loving regard. Paul repeats the suggestion to four other communities, as does Peter when he asks his followers to “greet each other with a kiss of Christian love” (1 Peter 5:14). The kiss of peace at Mass comes from this ancient tradition.
Isn’t it ironic that not only coworkers but priests and catechists have grown afraid to hug? Hugging, a sign of peace, could get you in trouble. Fr. Joseph Girzone, who is 81 years old, observes, “These days so many people who work for the church are afraid, it’s sad.” When Father Joe helped out in a Maryland parish for the past eight years, he stood outside the church after Mass on Sunday and hugged everyone. Kids told their parents, “I want to go to the 9 o’clock Mass so I can get my hug.” Big men walked up to Girzone and said, “I didn’t get my hug today.”
Subscribe to NCR
Want to read more about important issues in the life of the Church? A subscription to NCR will keep you up to date and informed.
“Hugs are as natural as praying,” Girzone says. “And they’re healing.”
When Jesus embraced cripples, they walked again. When he kissed the cheek of a leper, scales fell from his face. When he hugged a child, the child felt not fear but safety.
Family therapist Virginia Satir confirms, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Research shows that hugging for only 20 seconds lowers blood pressure and increases oxytocin, a hormone that relieves stress. A lot of hugging reduces the risk of heart disease. And everyone knows that hugging makes babies (and grownups) cry less.
Pastoral ministers will tell you that hugs are as essential to their tool kits as holy water. Fr. Matt Hoffman taught us seminarians that the best thing to say to someone who is grieving is nothing. “Hug them!” he told us. None of us know what to say when visiting the sick, and that’s why we don’t visit them enough -- we’re afraid. But a hug says it all, and is all the ill and despondent want. An old saying goes, “A hug is a universal medicine. It is how we handshake from the heart.”
A few years ago I was on a two-day retreat with 15 of my classmates from the seminary. It was my turn to make a presentation and I chose the topic of suffering, because bad things happening to good people always baffle me. At the end of the talk, Tom Smith said, “I have to talk to you guys about something.”
Tom told us about his beloved daughter, who had recently died by suicide. He was sitting on a desk chair that was like a cross pinning him down, but he gave us his wounded heart, and at just the right moment Johnny Pritcher stood up and said, “All right, guys, group hug!” We all rose and embraced and tears flowed and love passed from one guy to another to the whole world. We held it for more than a minute.
And understood everything we would ever need to know about hugging and the overwhelming love of God.
[Michael Leach edits Soul Seeing for NCR. He says if you see him on the street, you’ll know what to do.]
| We can send you an email alert every time Soul Seeing is updated. Go to this page and follow directions: Email alert sign-up. If you already receive email alerts from us, click on the "update my profile" button to add Soul Seeing to your list. |
You really touched on
You really touched on something elemental and wonderfully healing to life: we live in Love, God is Love, we live in God, and a hug is an outward manifestation of that Love. I love it.
Thanks, Charles. You nailed
Thanks, Charles. You nailed it!
“Hugs are as natural as
“Hugs are as natural as praying,” Girzone says. “And they’re healing.” AMEN, AMEN....AMEN.
I have this suspicion that in the house churches of early Christianity there was a lot of hugging going on. Why are so many today so afraid of being "church", of being a parish "family", of being community? How did "love your neighbor" become "tolerate your neighbor but never hug them or hold their hands"?
So true, Martinius. Let's
So true, Martinius. Let's show our resistance to fear by by hugging. A lot. Thanks for your comment.
I so agree with you and I am
I so agree with you and I am so glad you posted this. I think I would die of sadness if I could not give and receive hugs ♥♥♥
Hey, Claire, hope to meet you
Hey, Claire, hope to meet you in person one of these days and hug ferociously.
Mike, looking forward to the
Mike, looking forward to the next time I see you to give you a big hug and thank you for this post. My friend Phil Kennedy is a world-class hugger. You get a hug from him and the blessing of it stays with you all day. And I can still feel the hugs I got from my grandmother, may she rest in peace, and fully expect that to be the first thing I experience when (if) I get to heaven.
I'm with you on that, Tom.
I'm with you on that, Tom. Nobody hugs like grandmothers. Hope to see y'all face to face and hug to hug one of these days.
Reading this and sending
Reading this and sending virtual HUGS -- Special Delivery. Thank you Michael.
They feel so good, Rosemary,
They feel so good, Rosemary, thank you!
Mike, have you hugged your
Mike, have you hugged your bishop today?
Um... er... well... well, you
Um... er... well... well, you offer an important reminder, Petrus. I close my eyes and send him one by c-mail! (consciousness mail)
Petrus does indeed understand
Petrus does indeed understand your methodology! As Qoheleth (Ecclesiastes) once said: "There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing."
And perhaps, if we can produce enough c-mail hugs, the Spirit of God will enable the bishops to "turn, turn, turn" (from the Byrds singing the Qoheleth text) and become huggable. Miracles DO happen!
Like!
Like!
Thanks, Mike, for reminding
Thanks, Mike, for reminding me of that comforting moment of our group hug during that retreat. It was and still is a peak experience in my grief journey. God was there wrapped up in all those arms. Some hugs don't end when the hug stops.
Tom, the great work you and
Tom, the great work you and Fran do with the Karla Smith Foundation is an inspiration. Anyone who reads NCR and has lost a loved one to suicide and is grieving or is afraid of that happening will find support at http://www.karlasmithfoundation.org/our-story.aspx Tom and his family have gone through it and are helping families and friends everywhere.
"Jesus hugged children,
"Jesus hugged children, embraced cripples and kissed lepers." Really? Where does it say this in scripture? Certainly not in the gospels. Maybe in some children's stories....?
Well, David, I don't suppose
Well, David, I don't suppose those children who came to him genuflected. I suspect they hugged, but you're right, it's not in the Bible. Neither that he kissed lepers or embraced cripples buy you got to wonder: when the apostles in epistles urge every Christian to "greet one another with a holy kiss" i.e. kiss, hug, embrace as sign of love, regard, respect, where did they get that idea from?
Love this article, though the
Love this article, though the continued use of the word "cripple" in NCR baffles me. Language, like hugs, has power.
Do you think he came down as
Do you think he came down as Man and loved us, and never touched us? Really?
Mike, Right on target as
Mike,
Right on target as always. This is one of your best. And I know you practice what you preach. oooooooooo (those are hugs)
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
I have tried this before, but
I have tried this before, but don't see. I was quite moved by Michael's article on value of hugging. For 2l years I have been going into NYS prisons to facilitate 3-day experiential workshops for Alternatives to Violence Projects. The AVP hug is part of how we relate to the men, for all the reasons you described. AVP is successful because we are in touch with our common humanity. Thank you, Merciful Mary Ann (AVP adjective name)
What a terrific ministry you
What a terrific ministry you have, Merciful Mary Ann! I send you and your guys manly hugs. Thanks for the kind words.
This is my first time on the
This is my first time on the NCR site and the description of your article caught my eye. When I was Director of Alumni Relations I went to a lot of wakes. I came to know what Fr. Matt Hoffman taught you. Now I usually say: "There are no good words," give the person a hug and listen.
My husband died in May. I attended a six week grief support group sponsored by the hospice group we used. The group now meets informally and we have given ourselves the name H.U.G.S. (heartfelt understanding giving support.) We had tossed around several names. For me, having read your article adds meaning to our choice.
I so love your acronymn,
I so love your acronymn, Judy, and what you do when visiting the sick. Thanks a mil!
“Hugs are as natural as
“Hugs are as natural as praying,” Girzone says. “And they’re healing.”
What about when they are unwanted or a violation of one's personal space (perhaps based on past trauma)? The very idea is laughable and unverifiable.
Family therapist Virginia Satir confirms, “We need four hugs a day for survival. (I'd be dead many times over) We need eight hugs a day for maintenance.(or surely broken down by now) We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” (Funny I grew just fine without my daily 12.
The Good Monk just
The Good Monk just articulated something I've wondered about. As a mental health professional, I'm acutely aware that unsolicited hugs (and, sometimes, those that ARE requested) can, for the person being hugged, be an occasion for unwitting re-enactment of past violations. Hugs can, indeed, comfort and sustain many people, they can also, in vulnerable people (many of whom, given the emotional constriction of rage and terror unresolved trauma can produce, seem perfectly serene on the surface), evoke dissociative "flashbacks." I don't pretend to have the definitive answer, but I do know that caution is warranted.
When in doubt, do nothing.
When in doubt, do nothing. Our eyes also express love without even trying.
I myself love hugs from
I myself love hugs from friends and family, but I can be turned off by some who hug too long, too tight, too often. I think we also need to be aware of teaching young people healthy boundaries. Hugs can turn into violations.
Ever seen a bunch of
Ever seen a bunch of celibates at a prayer meeting grabbing holy hugs and more than one kiss or two of peace?
Not too healthy for those with a problem.
May your 'hugger' message
May your 'hugger' message stretch throughout the universe and beyond...hugs to you!!!
Grazee!
Grazee!
excellent looking for an
excellent looking for an article like this for years
I am sorry to throw cold
I am sorry to throw cold water on the huggy party, but I do not like hugging. I believe people should behave with reserve and decorum. This may be a matter of culture; I am from a proverbially uneffusive ethnic group.
Don't be surprised if you try to hug somebody and he or she shoves you away. A lot of people think hugging is rude and disrespectful.
I would totally hug you if I
I would totally hug you if I were lucky enough to see you on the street, Mike. :) You are deserving of that and more. Thanks for the great piece. I completely agree and consider myself a "hugger." And happily so. It was great to be reminded of the healing effects of this simple but important gesture of inward grace. Love it!
Post new comment